middenHeap28 Jan 2004

I don't mind at all. If there ever was anything I held sacrosanct (unlikely) I simply wouldn't post it here.

now if YOU don't mind...
the part you say you can't make out, do you mean L.8-10? If so that's quite interesting, because this whole part was edited & expanded after the crucifiction on Eratosphere, in an attempt to provide some setting. It didn't appease them. : (

originally it was:

The woman has in eyes lost
an entire history in that dark
behind the waves in our endless sun
(Oh California) under trees we have retreated
that woman in vast dark eyes entire
always away looking oblique and strong
with sideways fast looks that fill me in
entire
...


do you think I should try and rework that part to have as much ambiguity as the middle, rather than less as I was trying?

the middle is massive ambiguity. I'm kinda proud of it, really, as an experiment -- it's not particularly easy to do. You can group the words in so many ways to make valid phrases.

I'm thinking about ditching the entire-ly. You're probably right. It's gimmicky and breaks the flow.

But anyway, you are the only person who has ever expressed any appreciation for this one. And I busked it, so it's been seen by hundreds of people. I don't remember ever selling a single one, though I stubbornly gave it a spot on my display for several weeks. I'm fond of it because I like remembering the girl...