god'swife2 Feb 2004

Fantastic potential. How many times have you re-written this? It deserves some strong attention. Your beginning really needs to be done over. Sometimes you can get to the point more precisely if you try for less words to make the point. Of course that's my ultimate arguement, I'm all for concise language. For example

"When you re-crafted me for the third time"
"Re-crafting me for the third time".

It's the tininest difference but you go through this poem and tighten it up I think you'll be pleased. I like your poem, and your use of like words to accent the huge differences between you. Keep practicing.