love the last stanza
there are some weak parts such as: "So bland a feeling,
Not being able to say…
What you feel and think,
Needing savior from an ego that consumes."

but improve the flow and the poem will improve alot.
good job.

i know how you feel and what you are trying to put out there - but your lyric has the predictability of any high school band. keep writing though - you have potential.
<3
emm