replying on Fanatic by Dovina
12 Jan 2007, 2:07 PM
Maybe you really don't understand my poems. Maybe I overestimated you, and should show more sympathy. What may I do to explain?
If this is about you, it was unintentional. We had a good dialog going at:
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i
and continued at:
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i
Then you dropped off the radar. I’ve been doing alright, thank you for asking, but then I have an anchor. How’s it going with you?
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i
and continued at:
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i
Then you dropped off the radar. I’ve been doing alright, thank you for asking, but then I have an anchor. How’s it going with you?
replying on Self Portrait by Dovina
12 Jan 2007, 12:10 PM
This poem is like yours, in that S2 tries to show the painting. S1&3 are different in trying to show the artistic process. Yes, the Potter is God, modeling Himself with clay, making humans in His likeness. In so doing He instills an artistic bent. Thanks for the observations.
replying on Better Sex by Dovina
11 Jan 2007, 6:03 PM
I feel violated, digging into my past that way. Is it curiosity or professional retainer, Mr. Private Investigator?
Of course it was not sex, but neither was it boring, and how could you know whether it was boring or not? You were not there; you are not me. Wait a minute, I haven’t seen that guy in a long time. Did you ever live in Southern California? No, not a chance!
Of course it was not sex, but neither was it boring, and how could you know whether it was boring or not? You were not there; you are not me. Wait a minute, I haven’t seen that guy in a long time. Did you ever live in Southern California? No, not a chance!
on Bullet Heaven by MacFrantic
11 Jan 2007, 11:44 AM
Rhythm is pretty constant until the last 3 lines, rhyme too. Why quit now?
on The dancers by richa
11 Jan 2007, 11:15 AM
A nice comparison and even a bit emotional, for which you should be ashamed.
"they." in S5 seems abrupt, as if something's missing.
"they." in S5 seems abrupt, as if something's missing.
replying on Brains for Barter by Dovina
11 Jan 2007, 11:04 AM
Welcome back. Even one with whom I have fought is welcome back. The last line is cliché, I know, and will look for better words. The first verse needs to show that N, while smarter, feels no need to flaunt it – will consider flakiness.
replying on Brains for Barter by Dovina
11 Jan 2007, 11:04 AM
Thanks, and good to see you back. Admittedly, those “I’d”s and “your” s are there mostly for rhythm, and don’t advance the meaning. Possibly they add to the personal emotion of N, for what that’s worth.
replying on Russian absinthe by AlexandraLeaving
5 Jan 2007, 12:43 PM
Not to worry. Even an inanimate asteroid will divert its collision course upon the possibility of smearing its pristine surface with the body fluids of Stephen Robins.
on Darkroom Dancer by MacFrantic
5 Jan 2007, 12:31 PM
One of your best. Good "images" in the red-glow darkroom. Been there, done that.
on Dream Grower by Enkidu
4 Jan 2007, 4:56 PM
At first I thought you were in tune with the writer of Hebrews: “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love.” But the choking twist in the last verse has a sinister tone that sounds self-sacrificial. If you want the coaxing and stimulation of the first part, then consider a softer ending. Overall I like it.
on Exile in New Hamshire by AlexandraLeaving
4 Jan 2007, 4:36 PM
I count 10 spelling and grammar mistakes. Which means that I considered the poem worthy of counting them. It’s a nice twist on the usual beauty-of-the-fall-colors theme, a good start. Please clean it up and re-post.
on Happy birthday to myself by Prince of Void
1 Jan 2007, 12:16 PM
So many grammar glitches here, I have to wonder if the few correct phrases are mistakes in a dialect of hopelessness.
Yes, He should have known he was running out of time,
Should have known his mocking sneers were paper shields,
should have surrendered his great city of vision
to the reality of a larger plot.
So, when a cold wind slammed into his green life,
it forced him to stop looking the other way,
to face the instruction of a whip,
and cast his pat answers into the riverbed as dust.
He gave up his vision of beauty and order
For the void of chaos.
It was the first stage of his growing up.
Should have known his mocking sneers were paper shields,
should have surrendered his great city of vision
to the reality of a larger plot.
So, when a cold wind slammed into his green life,
it forced him to stop looking the other way,
to face the instruction of a whip,
and cast his pat answers into the riverbed as dust.
He gave up his vision of beauty and order
For the void of chaos.
It was the first stage of his growing up.
on Moving On by MacFrantic
28 Dec 2006, 3:07 PM
The rhythm and rhyme are so good that the lapses glare.
on "incomplete" by Prince of Void
28 Dec 2006, 3:04 PM
Made with a void - how sad. But how comforting when a void is filled. The shape of a void is the reverse of the thing that fits there.
on Chord before the crescendo by Caducus
14 Dec 2006, 1:28 PM
The first two verses are great. I lost you in “My boxed instrument burned,” (think you could omit it) but the rest of Verse 3 is good, and the last line is great.
on The Picture by Caducus
14 Dec 2006, 12:57 PM
I like this up to the last stanza. There, the angst about Jesus seems another subject, detracting from the unique way this picture was painted or drawn.