on Sperm Donor Clown by ObiWonKn
10 May 2002, 3:03 PM
ha! funny poems are so rare.
on close to you and can't be still by silvertongueddevil
14 May 2002, 2:16 PM
I am intrigued by the last stanza, but the first couple of lines (of first stanza) kill it for me.
on drum circle by <~>
16 Aug 2002, 1:53 PM
'lo. this is what i think. stanzas three and four weaken the poem and are unnecessary. crepusculation throws me off. it seems... forced? otherwise, some nice rhythm and phrasing. this poem could, in general, use a good tightening up. there are strong parts indeed, but which are overall weakened by unnecessary lines. i would call this a good, first (or second?) draft, me, in terms of the sort of revision which should be attempted here. contact me if you'd like further detail about this.