on Little Miss Muff by Spider-Man
11 Aug 2006, 6:33 AM
oh dear
on bimby by sneakerpimp
11 Aug 2006, 6:32 AM
does this make sense?
The passion you pretended
was precociously to obtain
The passion you pretended
was precociously to obtain
on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger
11 Aug 2006, 6:30 AM
sophisticated
on Black and Orange by Enkidu
11 Aug 2006, 6:28 AM
Very good last line and first verse
on Something More by drnick
11 Aug 2006, 6:25 AM
Soothingly introspective, the lines
You can only slow
a force of nature.
Like an avalanche
arrive in the chaos.
broke away from that soothing tone somewhat and whilst I see their necessity I cant precislely put my finger on it, but there is something that stops me giving this a 10 within those lines.
You can only slow
a force of nature.
Like an avalanche
arrive in the chaos.
broke away from that soothing tone somewhat and whilst I see their necessity I cant precislely put my finger on it, but there is something that stops me giving this a 10 within those lines.
replying on 1a. Awaken by A db C
10 Aug 2006, 6:24 AM
Do you have any ideas? It is meant to be desolate but perhaps the bulky half-prose makes it too much of a dreary sludge through the piece (maybe why it doesn't appeal to you), in fact youve made me think that splitting it down into a few more poetic pieces could help
on self-righteousness by calliope
10 Aug 2006, 6:19 AM
I have to agree with Ranger here "I think I get it".
on fish eye pie by calliope
10 Aug 2006, 6:17 AM
The breaks in the line create an interesting disjointed feel to the piece which eminates quality through its perspective. I dont really like the theme and the last verse, the theme is not really comical or serious, and the skills you have shown in conveying the feel of this conversation I feel are better placed to write about different topics. If I had liked the theme I would have given this a 10 for the way you have captured the communication between these two fishing women (maybe I have missed the point of this piece a little). This piece has drawn me in enougth to want to have a look at some of your other piece. Please dont take my opinion too far to heart since I am wrong more often than not these days.
on On the subject of being poor by Stephen Robins
10 Aug 2006, 6:09 AM
Harsh
on Cataclysm and Echo by MacFrantic
10 Aug 2006, 12:59 AM
Very echo like and poetic
on Children of Wolves by Caducus
9 Aug 2006, 8:32 AM
Ive read a few of your pieces now and this is by far and away the best out of the 5 or so that I read (It shrieked as if it knew is a great line)