on Truths by Nicholas Jones
6 Oct 2002, 9:26 PM
Ryn: No I'm not Darren Day, whoever that fellow might be.
Champagne socialists have always been rather laughable, on both sides of the fence. / :
Champagne socialists have always been rather laughable, on both sides of the fence. / :
on The Dawn Of Darkness by Dariana
6 Oct 2002, 9:40 PM
Thanks for your comments.
Ummm I hope if I make a couple of suggestions you won't be offended (I fully admit I know nothing about poetry) But if you changed the line ending "horror first began" to "horror did begin" you get a closer match in rhyme.
Also the last line should end in the word 'sin' ... something about the night bringing sin maybe
Just a couple of thoughts ( :
Ummm I hope if I make a couple of suggestions you won't be offended (I fully admit I know nothing about poetry) But if you changed the line ending "horror first began" to "horror did begin" you get a closer match in rhyme.
Also the last line should end in the word 'sin' ... something about the night bringing sin maybe
Just a couple of thoughts ( :
I can relate.