Great ending!

Your rhyme detracts from the message of the poem. There doesn't seem to be a clear introduction, it seems you started midstride, so it kind of throws the reader off a bit. As well, aside from the rhyme, it doesn't draw me in at all. It just seems you sacrificed the content entirely for the sake of rhyme.

Thanks for the comments!

Nice ending, i'd work on the rest however.

I got a foot to lend as well...

I liked the last sentence, the rest has a little too much cliche to it

Very good lyric, even though I wouldn't hand you any points for originality.

Doesn't quite flow as smoothly as it could. It could be better.

There is something about this poem that makes it work! The words fit together almost like a trail, one word leading to the next. Great job!

I like it. Paints a vivid image.

I like it, but I don't know what to make of it at the same time.

I hate the Beatles but i'll try not to hold that against you. Amusing.

Disturbing visuals, and the style's a little raw, but good.