on What is Love? by edgar-allen-poe-rox
14 Feb 2006, 9:24 AM
Before I write a proper comment and risk incurring your wrath, do you want constructive criticism or will it make you rather irate if I write a less-than-flattering synopsis? I've been there myself with the first few posts; tell me what you want before I rush to conclusions here...
on Winter Wonderland by raven_the_poet
14 Feb 2006, 10:33 AM
Sounds like something that would suit a villanelle, with a little expansion.
on some deleted poem
15 Feb 2006, 1:54 AM
Sounds like you had a shitty day.
But you have time yet. Don't lose heart.
But you have time yet. Don't lose heart.
on Down on Dogs by Bobjim
15 Feb 2006, 6:36 AM
BJ, you're desperate to get that Orange Award back, aren't you?
on Tuna and sweetcorn by Bobjim
15 Feb 2006, 6:48 AM
Aha! Very good, sir, very good!
on some deleted poem
14 Feb 2006, 9:58 AM
Stunning. Stanza 2 in particular.
"It haunted you/like a flamenco sky sangria-stained/where birds dive..."
Wow.
"It haunted you/like a flamenco sky sangria-stained/where birds dive..."
Wow.
on Journeyman by Glasseyez
14 Feb 2006, 2:30 AM
'Seen four the seven seas', is that meant to be '...four of the seven seas'? Because if so I think it would work better as '...four of seven seas'. If I'm missing something obvious here, bear with me. I'm tired.
I think the grammar and structure could do with being worked on, but I like the content and images - they could do with being brought out a little more though.
I think the grammar and structure could do with being worked on, but I like the content and images - they could do with being brought out a little more though.
on Panic Slide by MacFrantic
14 Feb 2006, 2:35 AM
Cars?
I'm not too sure about 'very long racing stripes', the 'very long' is really simplistic compared to the rest of it.
Catchy though.
I'm not too sure about 'very long racing stripes', the 'very long' is really simplistic compared to the rest of it.
Catchy though.
on discovery by skaskowski
14 Feb 2006, 10:09 AM
Nonsensical, but isn't that the point of this poem? I quite like the imaginings here, but then again I would.
on change (3rd draft) by Adriaan
14 Feb 2006, 3:41 PM
Ah...it's tricky to know what to say about a haiku, particularly a short haiku (or whatever the technical name is for this structure, 3-5-2, sounds like a football formation) but this has so much scope for descriptive imagery. I want to say 'describe the hermit, describe where he's sitting, describe the leaves, describe how they're falling' etc. etc. etc. but I have this nagging feeling that it would actually detract from the purpose of this poem; it retains a clarity in its brevity that is actually quite refreshing. And I'm rambling. If only Kaolin had made a comment compressor to shift through the rubbish in my comments so as to find any kernels of usefulness that might remain.
on Yet another Morning Glory piss-take by Bobjim
15 Feb 2006, 6:38 AM
Another Orange reason (parodying another user). But it made me laugh so much...
on Valentine 2 by zodiac
14 Feb 2006, 3:44 PM
Love the description of the gunfire into trees.
Forgive my lack of historical knowledge - are the quotes factually accurate, or are they artistic license, zodiac-style?
Forgive my lack of historical knowledge - are the quotes factually accurate, or are they artistic license, zodiac-style?
on some deleted poem
15 Feb 2006, 6:58 AM
Because you're no longer here, let's not even see this pile of rubbish. Save the worst slots for genuine rubbish.
on To Bob, Love Ed by Bobjim
15 Feb 2006, 6:42 AM
Bob, you're so fine. Really.
on Teaching Beetles To Swim by Bobjim
15 Feb 2006, 6:44 AM
Is this yours?
on Stealth Assassin (draft) by Mona Lisa
16 Feb 2006, 3:47 AM
There's potential here, although I don't like stanzas 4 and 6. You could do well bringing out the sort of taint on the love (as you do in the last stanza) more, I think. As it's a draft I'll hold rating it for when it's edited.
on To drnick by amanda_dcosta
15 Feb 2006, 6:46 AM
drnick, you are a privileged soul! Glorious!
on In the Land of Bob by Bobjim
15 Feb 2006, 6:53 AM
I'm converted
This is excellent, zodiac - another triumph for you!