replying on Poemranker I Couldn't stay Away by Tara57
6 Nov 2004, 10:41 AM
Don't say comeback, comeback sounds pugnacious.
I was simply replying to your story with an added tid-bit of my own don't be so irritable my dear.
P.S I still don't care
PPS.I would expect nothing less from you.
I was simply replying to your story with an added tid-bit of my own don't be so irritable my dear.
P.S I still don't care
PPS.I would expect nothing less from you.
replying on Poemranker I Couldn't stay Away by Tara57
6 Nov 2004, 5:09 AM
no more weird I suppose then your wife staring back, right my wise friend?
replying on Poemranker I Couldn't stay Away by Tara57
5 Nov 2004, 7:26 AM
I do I do
on Suicide Girl by wilco
18 Apr 2004, 11:11 PM
I would give you a ten for this line alone...
Iâll be your Elliot Smith
If youâll be my Sylvia Plath
But then you go on to write several more stand out lines...I loved it!
Iâll be your Elliot Smith
If youâll be my Sylvia Plath
But then you go on to write several more stand out lines...I loved it!
on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac
14 Apr 2004, 10:35 PM
Ah Foucalt...lovely...I do believe Dear I hold your words dear- Dear
on Rough draft of a poetry manifesto by zodiac
12 Apr 2004, 8:14 AM
The title I like...not blown away by the poem
on lost memories by ggawrysi
11 Apr 2004, 10:41 PM
I love you...this poem is beautiful
on My Day Off by wilco
11 Apr 2004, 8:20 PM
I love it...sounds like a Streets song...I could read it a hundred times...also mad props on the Zodiac line I'm glad someone had the balls to stand up to him!
on Cabbagetown will miss you by tre
8 Apr 2004, 12:04 AM
There are so many great things happening in this poem...some really great line I LOVE the last stanza...still I think it can be cleaned up the images can be made sharper...cut out some of the narrative parts make us feel Cabbagetown not just hear about it. Also capitalize three to make it clear it is his name. An example of possibly a way to edit it:
Parties with dogs
who roam streets
chase cats
speak to eachother All NIGHT
They too were at your birthday party
everyone was there but you
not you THree you were in the hospital
there were no dogs there
your accident struck you down before your cancer could
Lifes a Bitch Three but you already knew that
People whisper its better this way My mom says it too
I still don't understand
I wish I had known you better
I don't know if that is cleaner but something along those lines would make this incredibly powerful poem even more powerful
Keep with this poem It will be GREAT
Parties with dogs
who roam streets
chase cats
speak to eachother All NIGHT
They too were at your birthday party
everyone was there but you
not you THree you were in the hospital
there were no dogs there
your accident struck you down before your cancer could
Lifes a Bitch Three but you already knew that
People whisper its better this way My mom says it too
I still don't understand
I wish I had known you better
I don't know if that is cleaner but something along those lines would make this incredibly powerful poem even more powerful
Keep with this poem It will be GREAT
on A Little Further by thepinkbunnyofdoom
7 Apr 2004, 5:50 PM
Hell yes
on The most trite garbage ever(in other words my love life) by thepinkbunnyofdoom
7 Apr 2004, 5:44 PM
I wasn't sure if I liked this poem very much until I saw that it was a pimple...So in that case it fits perfectly well done
on You Crossed My Mind by gregg333
7 Apr 2004, 5:37 PM
I like the way it sounds..."you rolled by like a slow freight train" I like the tone and feeling of the poem. Its a bit simple for though the poem its self is a deep metaphor..I almost wish it was longer but I still think its great!!
on Twilight Affair by thepinkbunnyofdoom
6 Apr 2004, 10:37 PM
Been there!! I think this could be a great poem if you revise it a bit...make the ideas crisper and the images jump out more...but you nailed the emotion felt it coming out of the page...9
on Almost One by thepinkbunnyofdoom
6 Apr 2004, 10:32 PM
I had to read this poem a few times to get a good feel for it...but I like it despite it being a bit convoluted in certain parts.
I love the flow of this poem my favorite lines...autumn always made me feel alone, and so this is fall in a yuppie town...I can see where it can get a bit weighed down by being to wordy however, the entire poem has a solid tone and mood to it. I very much enjoyed it!!
I was in no way being defensive to your remarks about my poem. If anything I was trying to take your very abrasive response to my first comment and lighten it.
What I meant by I still don't care, is that I understand that I have grammatical errors in my poetry but the way you have attacked me for them in the past has made me less want to improve and more want to ignore you. Not for your criticism which was justified, but for your character. However, that is in the past now. I was bringing back or old argument about grammar in poetry when I said I still don't care. Just to refresh your memory I had said that I felt a certain freedom with poetry where I don't have to be confined to the technical rules of the English language. You of course heavily disagreed and that was our little argument.
Of course I will take your criticism into consideration...I in NO way feel that my poetry is above being criticized. I do believe that your strange misinterpretations of my comments however, are where the problem lies. I never made any hints to your wife being a "a sick Islam-baiting skankwhore. Where you picked that up from I don't have any idea.
In my replies to you I was not defending myself in anyway I was trying to turn the mood from your angry, defensive, and blatantly hurt response to a more peaceful one. I was not being sarcastic if that is what you thought. I never had intentions of fighting with you zodiac. Or speaking badly of Islamic Women.
Once again you have been oversensitive and did not understand the tone of my responses to you. I am sorry you felt I was defending myself or attacking you. I was doing neither.
So will you accept this and may we move on.....Or shall we be destined to run around in circles until we both run into walls?