Re: A Dangling Poo by zodiac	1-Apr-04/6:42 PM
I wish I'd used 'chronic' for the rhyme instead of 'Hashanah' -- or, alternately, 'marijuana', 'Madonna' or 'Hosannah!' instead of 'colonic'. I just feel like it's a letdown after the great opening rhyme of 'being one' and 'penguin'. Which do rhyme down here, incidentally.
Re: a comment on Shampoo and Condition by Luzr	1-Apr-04/9:55 AM
Yes, it's obviously fictional. That's my point. PS- "Look beyond the surface" is a fucking laugh riot. Beyond this poem's surface is much, much more surface.
Re: a comment on Leaves, hope and dreams by aliena	1-Apr-04/9:11 AM
There is no jet in this poem, only something compared to a jet. Probably thunder. What's weird is people usually say it the other way around - a jet sounds like distant thunder - not, that thunder sounds exactly like a jet. More importantly, why a jet, anyway? Were you just trying to think of something that thunder sounds like? You should consider whether it adds any meaning to the poem to have a jet brought in - rather than, say, a guy swinging a big piece of sheet metal, or a giant faraway shovel turning enormous amounts of earth. I think the approaching jet could mean something, but you don't give us any idea what. And you might want to check your spelling on reverberating. There, I just made it easy for you.
Re: a comment on Shampoo and Condition by Luzr	1-Apr-04/9:03 AM
You seem so aware of how meaningless your routine is, so WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING STOP DOING IT, YOU BABY?!
Re: Shampoo and Condition by Luzr	1-Apr-04/8:58 AM
I have so many questions about this one. Please write back if you're still here.
Re: a comment on Over Simplification by Richard	1-Apr-04/4:40 AM
Building vocabulary does not mean the same thing as developing an original thought. Don't get the two confused. The most cliche poems here are ones that say things like "this disclosure leaves me elated, And simultaneously fills me with fear... it would not be pragmatically impactful." That's bullshit, just Shift-F7 on a crap poem, not meant to do anything but hide the fact that it's the same old stupidity. Don't believe me? Find what you consider the best poem ever and count the 1, 2, 3, and 4-syllable words. My favorite was "I shall carry them folded, in my back pocket." Simple, rhythmic, semi-original, a nice use of a comma.
Re: A Dangling Poo by zodiac	1-Apr-04/3:43 AM
<VERSE THREE - In Whiche Our Hero Concludes His Adventures in a Moste Curious Fashion!> Now your thighs are wet with a sweaty gruel, The scent's intense, yeah, but I'm one stool You can't pick off with paper so you'll Have to M*A*S*H me, babe, cause I'm Klinger. Cause I'm not gonna drop or disappear - Except, perhaps, if it wasn't so queer, (Which I hate) you could make like Richard Gere And push me back in with One Finger (-Answer, I mean, or Bachus or Shuushin - Now come on Everyone, & start the confusion!)
Re: a comment on A Dangling Poo by zodiac	31-Mar-04/7:33 PM
You hardly make it worth defending my views on queerboys to you. Make it two points and I'll throw in something about coloreds.
Re: a comment on A wicked rose grows in God's grapevine. by SupremeDreamer	31-Mar-04/7:11 PM
I withdraw my first comment on this one. I think I meant structurally, not thematically, but now I can't even see where I got that from.
Re: a comment on The Hell With Growing Up by wilco	31-Mar-04/5:06 PM
CLS does it because she's a Christian, which necessarily means a liar and hypocrite. Jeremi probably does it because it's performance art.
Re: a comment on The Hell With Growing Up by wilco	31-Mar-04/5:04 PM
You see, the real rub of the matter is that if you pine so much for a life of driving fast, using drugs, and having, if not promiscuous, then certainly plentiful sex - well, you could just DO IT. Sure driving fast and drugs are illegal, but that's not very much of a deterrent since the likelihood of getting arrested for any one infraction is incredibly low. And even promiscuous sex is probably okay provided you take a couple of clinical (and emotional) precautions. But you can't, right? Because in some respect or other you've subscribed to a notion that 'adults' don't do those things - that they weren't so great, anyway. That, or you have no way of knowing because you didn't do them in the first place. Or you're just a kid trying to posit what you should feel like if you ever grow up to be an adult. I have no way of knowing. In any event, it follows that the 'slow and painful' 'death' of your childhood you regret so much is just the incomplete reconciliation of a so-called standard, so-called adult morality to the suspicion that those things aren't in fact so bad - or, if they are, that you just don't give a fuck about screwing up your life. You should give it some thought. Or just smoke a joint and watch the history channel for 4 hours straight with your kids.
Re: a comment on The Hell With Growing Up by wilco	31-Mar-04/4:35 PM
I wish I had a good example of what I'm talking about posted here, but I started deleting all my poems about teenage hedonism around the time I decided not to give a fuck anymore. How about this one: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=79687
Re: a comment on The Hell With Growing Up by wilco	31-Mar-04/4:21 PM
I should add that I'm not inclined to serious advice tonight. A flourescent cabbage-toasting beard-damper on cabbage toast.
Re: a comment on The Hell With Growing Up by wilco	31-Mar-04/4:18 PM
If I were inclined to give you any serious advice, it would probably be that you rewrite this entire poem to describe an actual event which took place during your 'hedonistic' youth (or, alternately, a bit of hedonism you've engaged in lately), trying as you write to avoid stating or implying ANY of the judgments/moralizations which you've included in this version. People will get it anyway. I would not condemn you for ending the poem if you absolutely had to with an image of your older, wiser self looking back on the aforementioned event and sighing wistfully. As hideous as that is, there are many worse things in the world to condemn, like Hummers, Andrew Sullivan, and other poetry sites besides poemranker. I hope this has been some help. Tchuss.
Re: a comment on The Hell With Growing Up by wilco	31-Mar-04/4:00 PM
No.
Re: a comment on The Hell With Growing Up by wilco	31-Mar-04/3:40 PM
For one thing, I don't believe you for a second. "Driving too fast, using copious amounts of drugs / and having promiscuous sex with strangers" is cribbed from a Reader's Digest 'Heroes for Today' bio about some reformed hobo. It reminds me of this Presbyterian church I went to as an undergrad where the minister was always saying things like "Before I found Jesus, I was heading down the 'Highway to Hell' [his air-quotes]. I cussed, I looked at dirty pictures, I had friends who were doing the drugs." Yeah. You're that guy.
Re: Over Simplification by Richard	31-Mar-04/3:25 PM
Since joining poemranker, I've often noticed a tendency among posters criticized for writing cliches to make all their following posts entirely out of polysyllables, and I was wondering if you could explain to me why that is. All you've got now is a thesaurus-dependent gabble that would be absolutely hilarious read aloud, in addition to being (admittedly) about nothing or nothing new. The best line of this is made of common one- and two-syllable words. I bet you won't guess which one I mean.
Re: A wicked rose grows in God's grapevine. by SupremeDreamer	31-Mar-04/3:16 PM
This is almost exactly the same poem as your last one, only not as good. I'd understand if you were trying to perfect the form, but then I'd be obliged to tell you you're not doing it very well.
Re: a comment on I Married an Infectious Woman (My Love, 'Futility') by SupremeDreamer	31-Mar-04/3:14 PM
Do you think poemranker has changed since you joined, or has it always been a soul-shriveling vortex of clabbered man-milk?
Re: Astronomical by DeadtotheWorld	31-Mar-04/8:27 AM
Running a Bible-Code-inspired equidistant letter search on this poem, I found: 7 instances of the word ANUS, 248 of ASS, 10 of ARSE, 12 TWATS, 5 CUNTS, 1 LORD, 1 SATAN, 1 PENIS, & 1 GUFF. I now firmly believe that though you may be dead to the world, you're utterly alive to the heavenly wisdom of Jesus. We'll be in touch.