on When Jesus Found Me by http://mulberryfairy
31 Jul 2003, 2:51 PM
complemented not complimented?
on some deleted poem
30 Jul 2003, 3:35 PM
Well, poof! that last bit.
on Mi Casa es Su Casa by <~>
31 Jul 2003, 12:32 PM
Since I now what your writing of I feel I have an unfair advantage. I did also suggest a simple two step, without clothes I might add.
on For my wife by INTRANSIT
31 Jul 2003, 6:45 PM
Two sexiest things on the planet: Cars and women. YEAH BUDDY! HOOOOO YEAH!!!!!!!!! Okay now, let's bump chests and rut for the ladies! HOOOOOOO YEAH!
Oh yes, what the hell is a kiss with a doves wing? did she chop up dinner and smooch you with the feathery wing before she plucked it? Is that where she belongs? In the kitchen?
How do you become a placid pool? Do you do it oil derick fashion. bump be bump, bump be bump and then leak and form a toxic site. I amybe strecthing here, but I don't get it.
Oh yes, what the hell is a kiss with a doves wing? did she chop up dinner and smooch you with the feathery wing before she plucked it? Is that where she belongs? In the kitchen?
How do you become a placid pool? Do you do it oil derick fashion. bump be bump, bump be bump and then leak and form a toxic site. I amybe strecthing here, but I don't get it.
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 2:15 PM
You make Paris sound like Jack the Ripper lives there. what the hell is a lover lit park? Tell me!
on I, Ann Boleyn by http://mulberryfairy
31 Jul 2003, 12:50 PM
Really, I am shallow and cannot get past the fact that you are an unshaven woman. I am sorry. Forgive me. I knew that plum was yours but I ate it anyway. Besides my narrow-minded view, which again I apologize for, I am quite fond of this.
on I, criminal by INTRANSIT
31 Jul 2003, 10:27 AM
Something in this ditty of yours needs possessing and not the gal that the cliched romance is written too. Eh?
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 10:31 AM
Way too much telling and not enough showing. Not that I care to see either of you naked.
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 10:38 AM
This sounds a bit like a poem Kenneth Patchen wrote after waking up at 1 in the morning for a drink of water. Seems to move along fine and then the layering part breaks up the image.
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 10:46 AM
Philadelphia Freedom was much more effective. i too hate all white people. and fat white people even more. And fat white English people even more. And fat white English people who buy up beachfront property in Spain. Those are the worst. The very worst white people.
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 10:57 AM
Rather young and falling into melodrama. Seems to be full of statement like prose rather than any well defined images.
on some deleted poem
31 Jul 2003, 11:24 AM
la de da de da de la. kill yourself poems are not so good, unless you like the high school food. i loved you once but now i don't, so please call me. please.
on A Circle Starts with C by rusty
31 Jul 2003, 12:02 PM
A square starts wit S. A mattress starts with M. why cum and not come. Why come and not orgasmic shot of burning hot salty love spew. I think that would work better.
on To You, In Warmer Climes by <~>
30 Jul 2003, 2:59 PM
I love this poem. Such a pleasure to read again on a cloudy day in Misery.
on The Longest Wait (Revised) by Caducus
30 Jul 2003, 3:04 PM
Jesus, I go away for a few months, come back and have to endure this shit right off the bat.
on some deleted poem
30 Jul 2003, 3:08 PM
I am assuming you are rather young, and for that this is not a bad shot. a good try let's say. But maybe you should go back and try to simplify the language here and there and avoid the cliches (i.e. midnight caress, candle flickers). We know a candle flickers, we know flesh is warm (unless you are banging a corpse). Stuff like that. Reduce, reduce, reduce.
on How it should have happened by INTRANSIT
30 Jul 2003, 3:24 PM
Good god man put down the Playboy and step away from the thesaurus. What kind of poet are you? These images sound more like the work of a high school boy forlorn and lost in puppy love rather than a poem of sexual power. And what the hell kind of image of sex are you trying to portray with the corny oil derrick image. Mechanical, monotonous, boring. Yeah, that will get the women rocking and rolling. Dial down the center my man and maybe find the real poem in here. Until then keep on keepin' on. Moreover, I wanted to ask you: I read a book where clan members and right wing conspiracy theorists used that fancy phrase you taught me. Is that the crowd you hang out with?
on some deleted poem
30 Jul 2003, 3:12 PM
See comments on last poem, except this time kill the adverbs! And the clauses they are in! Living, loving, something, something, something..........rock and roll hootchie coo!
on some deleted poem
30 Jul 2003, 3:31 PM
This had me going. I was there and then poof! I wasn't. What happened?