replying on Witness to a Murder by poetandknowit
31 Jul 2003, 12:24 PM
All if you like. It is a love poem, eh?
replying on Witness to a Murder by poetandknowit
31 Jul 2003, 12:20 PM
It is a pure and simple rip off of Mr. Williams. That's it. Nothing deeper. More playful than anything. And I have bed head all the time. Don't put something there that isn't there.
replying on Witness to a Murder by poetandknowit
31 Jul 2003, 12:14 PM
The reasons were selfish. Purely selfish and motivated by GREED.
replying on Witness to a Murder by poetandknowit
31 Jul 2003, 12:08 PM
What heft? There is no heft. It is about duty. DUTY!!!!!!!! Domestic DUTY. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
replying on Witness to a Murder by poetandknowit
31 Jul 2003, 12:04 PM
It WAS there for a reason. But you bringing it to the light makes it look pointless and foolish. I have seen the error of my ways this once.
on A Circle Starts with C by rusty
31 Jul 2003, 12:02 PM
A square starts wit S. A mattress starts with M. why cum and not come. Why come and not orgasmic shot of burning hot salty love spew. I think that would work better.
on I, criminal by INTRANSIT
31 Jul 2003, 10:27 AM
Something in this ditty of yours needs possessing and not the gal that the cliched romance is written too. Eh?
on How it should have happened by INTRANSIT
30 Jul 2003, 3:24 PM
Good god man put down the Playboy and step away from the thesaurus. What kind of poet are you? These images sound more like the work of a high school boy forlorn and lost in puppy love rather than a poem of sexual power. And what the hell kind of image of sex are you trying to portray with the corny oil derrick image. Mechanical, monotonous, boring. Yeah, that will get the women rocking and rolling. Dial down the center my man and maybe find the real poem in here. Until then keep on keepin' on. Moreover, I wanted to ask you: I read a book where clan members and right wing conspiracy theorists used that fancy phrase you taught me. Is that the crowd you hang out with?
replying on i will not come to bangladesh by lost in america
30 Jul 2003, 3:15 PM
No.
on The Longest Wait (Revised) by Caducus
30 Jul 2003, 3:04 PM
Jesus, I go away for a few months, come back and have to endure this shit right off the bat.
on To You, In Warmer Climes by <~>
30 Jul 2003, 2:59 PM
I love this poem. Such a pleasure to read again on a cloudy day in Misery.
on Vichyssoise, then murder by horus8
30 Jul 2003, 2:57 PM
Interesting at best.
on the photobooth by Bill Z Bub
8 Apr 2003, 2:32 PM
It sounds as if you are plunking both the money and the mug the way it is written. Needs a comma to separate into two thoughts or a rewrite. You lifted a casket? Or just opened the door to the booth. Again, sentence structure is confusing. I really like the final stanza. Some of the lines are quite fine, but the build up leaves me wanting a bit more and I think it is tied up somewhere in the grammar at the beginning and just a bit of wandering in the middle. But I like what is being said and the idea behind it (London is fine the way it is. If people do not know London Ontario then screw them - not you though, Z), but I think the entire poem needs to read with the strength of the last stanza.
replying on Down Lovers Lane by Mr Pig
8 Apr 2003, 2:17 PM
Sure right it is. But what is it. Tinkerbell? A bee? Puc? Hmmm. Or just a goofy image. Yes, I think that is it. No wonder half of the images in your poems don't make any sense. especially if you are trying to put words together thinking "of, coll, that sound good" and in reality when put into an image doesn't make sense. This poem is talking about a real context. All the other images follow in that line. So where does a dandelion fairy fit in? You tell me. Think of the image in the context of the poem.
on The sky is falling by INTRANSIT
8 Apr 2003, 11:05 AM
Quit reading Calvin Trillin.
on Down Lovers Lane by Mr Pig
8 Apr 2003, 10:39 AM
It is obvious that shadows feint, that is why they are shadows. I am not sure you need to tell the reader that. "fairies in dandelionâs" - what the hell are these. You cannot have realist images and throw these oddities in. It does not work. Even with some of the unabashedly overdramatic langue. "dry death of leaves" = again like the shadow image, there seems to be too much language here. The reader knows that dry leaves are obviously dead. Love is not a constant,
"Love is an instant,
And love favors the weak,
They are the dreamers like me who weep" = you change the context with these lines into a telling montage, which comes off as some sort of didactical statement. What is the purpose of telling the reader these things? Why not let the poem show them without the author butting in and telling the reader how he feels. Engines purr?
The end just rips into pure sap, which ultimately makes the poem fail, but with a rewrite and a lessing of tone and making the context clear (i.e. this is an adult flashing back at his first lost love? Only the Sycamore tree, which is a cliche, shows this. If it is an adult-to-adult relation then the Sycamore tree, which is a cliche, makes it seem young and trite). Sort out the context and maybe you will find the poem in here.
"Love is an instant,
And love favors the weak,
They are the dreamers like me who weep" = you change the context with these lines into a telling montage, which comes off as some sort of didactical statement. What is the purpose of telling the reader these things? Why not let the poem show them without the author butting in and telling the reader how he feels. Engines purr?
The end just rips into pure sap, which ultimately makes the poem fail, but with a rewrite and a lessing of tone and making the context clear (i.e. this is an adult flashing back at his first lost love? Only the Sycamore tree, which is a cliche, shows this. If it is an adult-to-adult relation then the Sycamore tree, which is a cliche, makes it seem young and trite). Sort out the context and maybe you will find the poem in here.
on F**K The World by loneshadow29
2 Apr 2003, 2:57 PM
are you down in the dumps again?
replying on Bible Quoting Fag Killer (So it is said) by Blindproject217
2 Apr 2003, 2:55 PM
I do not believe I said any of those things about you. Are you paranoid? Look to others. I said you were an shallow idiot, which I will chalk up to age. I also said you sound like a Mormon on a bike, which you do. I also mentioned the brainwashing, which you are. Plus, I told you to SHUT THE FUCK UP, which you haven't. That is all you can tack on the poetandknowit. Dig?
replying on Attention! - To the Wondering Soul by darkhelmet10
2 Apr 2003, 9:18 AM
You did not think I am any of those things. You just like blowing smoke up my ass because you cannot do it to your professors. Therefore, you can get out all of you angst on me. It is quite cute.