DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

I Find Myself Standing

Member since 2004 · Posted 4 May 2004 · 4 comments

on a rope-bridge of hope across the chasm which grew between us on the day when I stopped writing. He laughed when I told him I was done. He disbelieved. Doubted. And now, I find myself mid-span. You'll see that I hold a pen. Again. And I just can't drop it. Maybe he was right.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 7.25 weighted 5.61 rank 2286 views 232 View voting details →

8 votes so far. Yours would make 9.8 votes so far

4 comments

[9] deleted user 4-May-04/10:12 AM Reply

Good. I think it would be stronger if your lose these lines:
He disbelieved.
Doubted.
And I just can't drop it.

[n/a] <~> 4-May-04/10:42 AM Reply

so many pronouns!

wean them away for a more concise image, and give me a little less narrative and a little more of why you stopped, and, having stopped, chose to then cross that wobbly span clutching that now-impotent pen?

[7] richa 4-May-04/11:00 AM Reply

the linebreaks seem to make no sense.

[8] Shuushin 4-May-04/11:08 AM Reply

Shouldn't you be chatting someplace??
;O)

Not bad, this one - not bad at all. Might be a little preposition heavy in S1 (fairly easily fixed - trade away across somehow since it's implied by the bridge).

It's got a nice feel to it.

ah - I just notice <~> hit on the pronouns. Those little words that offer little value are what will kill you.

Over a third of the words are either preps or pronouns.