DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Vodka kisses & the final sigh.

Member since 2003 · Posted 4 May 2004 · 10 comments

Red sky & vodka kisses good-bye; was nice talkin 'n smokin, till our last mumbles & the final sigh. Fatigue our bodies can not deny; bitter 'n grim, like sin, & morning vodka kisses good-bye. Glasses full, yet our lips remain dry & the sky keeps burnin till our last mumbles & the final sigh Time passes, stoagies start to die & blue smoke turns thin; our mood vodka kissed good-bye. Brow drooped, smile quite zany & wry- slammed the last shot of gin before our mumbling & the final sigh. Rubbin my sore & encrusted left eye, as my belly starts churnin- from red sky, vodka kisses good-bye & bloody morning stirring my final sigh.

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19 votes so far. Yours would make 20.19 votes so far

A favorite of pain killer, Shuushin, INTRANSIT.

10 comments

[10] INTRANSIT 4-May-04/2:30 PM Reply

Yes. Small nits. Stogies-dump'em. Cigar even works better. Lose (quite) add comma.

The bloody morning-suggesting a bloody mary, excellent.
Over all 01.

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › INTRANSIT 8-May-04/4:49 AM Reply

I have decided to incorporate your suggestions into version II of the above villanelle-- I'm currently forging it in my tropical, subterranean poetry cupola; it'll be posted soon.

[9] richa 4-May-04/2:49 PM Reply

very good, your best vilanelle yet

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › richa 8-May-04/5:07 AM Reply

Thank you, I'm very proud and pleased with this piece myself. I've been trying to hone my skills in crafting vilanelles for some time now.

I've gotten pretty good with form, rhyme-scheme & structure;
now I'm working on improving my use of meter, or in reality, my nonexistent use of meter-- I didn't really give much attention to meter in my earlier works, so it's time I integrated that into my style & writing technique.

[10] Shuushin 4-May-04/5:49 PM Reply

*Very* nice, really well suited to the form -

Added to my faves.

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › Shuushin 8-May-04/5:18 AM Reply

Thanks for your comment- it's appreciated, & I'm honored that the above villanelle of mine is one of your favs. It's my latest written success; I was coasting slightly below average after posting my ode "I Married an Infectious Woman (My Love, Futility)".

[10] pain killer › SupremeDreamer 28-Jun-04/12:45 PM Reply

Truly lovely....ten

[1] deleted user 10-Jun-06/4:30 AM Reply

Not much good.

[0] Edna Sweetlove 18-Jun-06/5:44 PM Reply

illiterate horse dung.

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › Edna Sweetlove 20-Sep-06/8:56 AM Reply

Ah, ok Edna, relax now, we all know I'm not illiterate. Just twisted. :) You wanna make some sweet love now? I like it rough, maybe you can do some dominatrix shit, eh? C'mon Edna, lets make sweet love together!! Call me, 1-800-MAN-SLUT, aight? I'll give you a fuckin discount.