poemranker ::Lorca: Canción del Jinete by Sasha

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Other № 103199

Lorca: Canción del Jinete

by Sasha

Member since 2004 · Posted 25 May 2004 · Edited 25 May 2004 · 41 comments

In the blackened moon Of the horseback bandits Spurs chant out a song: "Swarthy little pony Where are you and your dead rider going?" Sturdy spurs, and strong Of the stirless bandit Who let the reins down: "Chilly little pony What a dagger-blossom! What aroma!" In the blackened moon Dusky Peak was bleeding, Bleeding from a wound. "Swarthy little pony Where are you and your dead rider going?" Then the night with spurs Kicked its sable sides and Pricked itself with stars: "Chilly little pony What a dagger-blossom! What aroma!" In the blackened moon Shrieks and screams!- Intoning Of the bonfire's horn! "Swarthy little pony Where are you and your dead rider going?"

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mean 9.00 weighted 7.00 rank 77 views 445 View voting details →

10 votes so far. Yours would make 11.10 votes so far

41 comments

[n/a] horus8 25-May-04/6:59 PM Reply
Is this yours, or Lorcas, or both?
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/7:20 PM Reply
Both
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/7:57 PM Reply
Is that clever?

Can I ask you a SERIOUS question?

Please forgive me for being caddy,
but did you say, "in the blackened moon
a dusky peak was bleeding from a wound?"

That's pretty funny, and you thought that up
all by yourself? Amazing.

What wounded it pray tell?
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/8:26 PM Reply
Actually, what you just made fun of is Lorca's as well as mine:

En la luna negra
Sangraba el costado
De sierra morena.

It's my translation of Lorca, therfore it's both of ours.
[n/a] wilco › Sasha 25-May-04/8:42 PM Reply
I don't see how translating something makes it yours....So, if I'm in school and I translate a thesis written in Japanese to English.....it's not plagiarism? You're going to have to explain this one a little better.
[n/a] Sasha › wilco 25-May-04/9:00 PM Reply
A poem is not a thesis. Zhukovsky, Pushkin, Rilke, Pasternak, Mallarmé, and, to a certain extent, Virgil all "plagiarised" off of someone else's poetry. The work that resulted was still their own
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/9:20 PM Reply
So why should we care, we didn't mention them, lol you did as some sort of enabling defense mechanism that enables you to not feel like a hack (which you are). There's a huge difference between rewriting a myth with a new twist, and what you've done here friend, a HUGE difference.
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/9:34 PM Reply
I am a hack. A dignified, amateur hack. I never said I wasn't. I challenge you to do a better job on this poem than I did.
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/9:44 PM Reply
That's just it, I'm on poemranker to rank poetry not translations.
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/10:03 PM Reply
So what in the name of all holy things are you doing here on my lowly page?
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 26-May-04/2:10 PM Reply
Nuding.
[10] zodiac › wilco 26-May-04/9:13 AM Reply
re: "I don't see how translating something makes it yours."

It's simple. Suppose we represent a good poem with 1 and a not-so-good poem with 0. This gives us

Lorca's poem = 1,
Sasha's version = 0

For Sasha's version to still be Lorca's poem and not its own, discrete dribbling, you'd have to except 1 = 0 - which is quite a hefty plum to get your mouth around.
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/8:43 PM Reply
And it's crap, never said I thought Lorca was great... lol,
I implied in your mind, you only translate great things, personally, I think 75% of his writing is trash, but so is mine lol. Now once again, so what wounded the Dusky peak?
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/8:46 PM Reply
You're insane, splendid, I see.
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/8:48 PM Reply
See, if you don't know what wounded the dusky peak?
You shouldn't be translating his poetry.
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/8:57 PM Reply
the same thing that wounded the rider. The idea is that the riders blood stained the mountain
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/8:59 PM Reply
And yes, I knew that, in fact it's the basis of my entire conversation Sasha.
[n/a] horus8 25-May-04/7:58 PM Reply
I see so basically you take your shit poetry, and
mix it with great poetry, and hope for the best?

How inventive.
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/8:29 PM Reply
no mixing done here
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/8:45 PM Reply
I'm sorry come again? I thought you said it was both of your work, that's not a mixture?
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/8:57 PM Reply
Why would someone vote on your translation
when they can find one, or buy one done by a translator
that knows why the dusky peak is wounded and bleeding.
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/9:03 PM Reply
its a symbol for the rider who's riding upon it. His blood stained the ground.

Must I repeat myself again?
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/9:14 PM Reply
Who is the rider?
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/9:19 PM Reply
the dead rider that this poem's about? Probably a symbol for Lorca's own feelings.
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/9:45 PM Reply
I see, so it was nothing political about the times? Or does that tie into it too?
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/9:53 PM Reply
Perhaps it does have political ties.

There's another poem Lorca wrote under the same title (Canción del Jinete) with the subtitle of "Córdoba" which is more specific, the last stanza of which is:

¡Ay que camino tan lango!
¡Ay mi jaca valerosa!
¡Ay que la muerte me espera!
Antes de llegar a Córdoba.

(Oh the road so long before me/ Oh my brave and sable pony/ Oh, for death is waiting for me/ Long before I get to Córdoba)

Considering that Lorca was an Andalusian poet, it may have had some political significance, though I am unsure of to what extent or of what nature.
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/10:01 PM Reply
I wouldn't have had the idea of its political ties unless you gave it to me. Thanks.
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 26-May-04/1:33 AM Reply
My mother's mother is from Colombia, but of Spanish Decent, and Basque. My father's father is from Greece, Thrace to be exact, and my mother's father is a german hugonaut. he started the first airlines in South America, but he was no astronaut.
[10] zodiac › Sasha 26-May-04/9:15 AM Reply
Or a symbol of any heterosexual inclinations remaining in his twisted homo soul.
[n/a] horus8 › zodiac 26-May-04/2:12 PM Reply
You should see my new cock-ring. It plays three melodies and flashes.
[n/a] horus8 25-May-04/7:59 PM Reply
Now that friend is bow'ls... I mean
I've seen some sad shit, but that's the gravy.
How's that working for you so far?
[n/a] horus8 25-May-04/8:51 PM Reply
So lord! It's even worse, it's your translation of Lorca, making it both of yours? My friend that's just plagiary with a dash of brains and a dollop of cross bred boredom.
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/9:04 PM Reply
Tell it to Zhukovsky, Nabokov, Rilke, Mallarmé and all the rest I have already mentioned above
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/9:17 PM Reply
Why? lol, do you even write poetry? Or do you just throw out the names of your heros and play pop goes the weasel? Please, you're a cad, you can't write, and why you compare yourself to the greats is the root of why you won't be, you can't write, you copy with a poor perspective.
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/9:33 PM Reply
No. Now I must run the risk of arrogance, which I am quite willing to do. I probably know these literatures (with the exception of spanish literature, which I am still working at) much better than you ever will. Don't even think about telling me about my "poor perspective" on literature when I have sampled a far greater variety of poetry from a far greater number of cultures and languages than I'm sure you have.

I can't write?
Phew, felt that.

At least I can capitalise the first-person pronouns in all of my poems.

I don't compare myself to the "greats" as you call them. I am merely stating that what you so blandly and generally lable as plagarism has been done by most of the world's poets. Then again, poemranker is the last place I'd go to for serious opinions on my writing.
[n/a] horus8 › Sasha 25-May-04/9:43 PM Reply
I see, so when I gave you my most 'unserious' of opinions you expected it, so what's the problem?
[n/a] Sasha › horus8 25-May-04/9:44 PM Reply
none. who said there was one?
[n/a] Sasha › Sasha 25-May-04/10:00 PM Reply
Zodiac's going to have a fieldday with this page I can feel it already
[10] zodiac › Sasha 26-May-04/8:37 AM Reply
Pshaw.
[n/a] horus8 › zodiac 26-May-04/2:13 PM Reply
Dewd
[10] god'swife 26-May-04/9:39 AM Reply
This is a damn good translation. One of the best I've ever seen, and I've seen tons. Now whether or not you should call it "both of ours" is beyond my rights to decide. My guts tell me your trampling on the genius of another, but on the other hand you've done an excellent, and I do mean excellent, job of maintaining the tone of the original, and still you have created verse that stands on it's own "English" merits. So i can see why you feel some sense of ownership. It's a tough call. I give you a ten because it works beautifully as a translation, and you did mark it as "Other" when catagorizing it. Perhaps Mr. Kaolinfire can add it as a catagory.