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Absolution

Member since 2004 · Posted 24 Jun 2004 · Edited 24 Jun 2004 · 6 comments

One night can't be enough for reliving near-death experiences and in nine long months there will be a new you. He must have been wearing your favorite genes for you to have gone this far. Don't you think he should know? Trampling down the dusty road of bittersweet revelation; should you be a liar or a cheat, it will be the chance of a lifetime. In the many conversations with yourself, do you ever question your own sanity? The truth often hurts, but silence is betrayal. Where will you be when judgement comes? Holding your bastard child, and explaining the situation to ears that should never hear those words.

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6 comments

[7] god'swife 24-Jun-04/8:29 PM Reply

Very interesting. The first stanzas confusing, you got one night and nine months. Maybe if you put a period after the second line and remove and at the beginning of the next. I like the idea in the first stanza.

'Favorite genes' is a little corny, but one gets used to it. You need to chose between 'gone to far' or 'come this far'. the last line in that stanza doesn't feel important, it wouldn't change a thing if it wasn't there. In the following stanza the last line is so confusing. 'should...cheat,' is phrased like a question, put the puncuation's not. If this line is not meant to be a question it might work better for you if you get rid of the 'a's in front of 'liar' &'cheat'. 'but silence is betrayal' I like this line quite a bit especially for the end of a thought. the 3 questions after bring this poem down several points. Like I said, the silence line is so good, those next 3 lines just slow down the momentum. the last stanza's really good, the'ears' can be interpreted as belonging to a variety of listeners. On a personal note my son's a bastard. I told him when he was 8, before anyone else had a chance to, he took it very well. He's not ashamed of it, i've heard him tell his friends on several occasions. I don't think it has the stigma attached to it that it use to.

[n/a] Drunk Russian Poet › god'swife 24-Jun-04/8:45 PM Reply

How's this? I think it still has the stigma but the young ones are just too..i don't know...naive? to really understand. On the other hand, if dad's a complete ass, then maybe you just don't care.

[7] god'swife › Drunk Russian Poet 25-Jun-04/9:06 AM Reply

There are many many women who plan to raise their children without committing to a man, I think that's why it doesn't have a stigma anymore. Idon't think it's good for children, that wasn't what happened to us. My son's father is dead. He was murdered when my son was 3&1/2. He was the sweetest person I ever met.

[n/a] Drunk Russian Poet › god'swife 25-Jun-04/12:49 PM Reply

You may well be right about that. I'm sorry to hear that, but it sounds like you're doing a good job carrying on.

[9] Dovina 25-Jun-04/9:29 AM Reply

I take it as a kind of priestly advice for gaining "Absolution" for having committed the perceived sin af adultry, advising the woman to tell her child his breeding. She questions whether to tell, apparently because of guilt feelings. The last verse is provocatively ambiguous because we don't know whether the "ears" are the child's or the world's. Good.

[7] Shuushin 26-Jun-04/3:31 PM Reply

The gene pun is horrible, DRP - I just can't get past that.

You may very well be saying some profundity - but if so, you have a clown nose on while doing it.