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The Dream

Member since 2004 · Posted 20 Jul 2004 · 5 comments

As I am awakening from a dream I begin to think I am In a different place The beautiful sun has been seen I'm searching for a mysterious face The face is like a shiny clear crystal It feels like a silky piece of lace The face is very oddly mystical I felt it again and it felt like sand I massaged his head it was predictable It was amazing he kissed my hand His lips were as soft as a bird feather He looked like a boy from a rock band He is as hot as warm summer weather But is so cold I could use a sweater

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mean 4.36 weighted 4.68 rank 12173 views 276 View voting details →

11 votes so far. Yours would make 12.11 votes so far

A favorite of x0lovelylarnx0.

5 comments

[n/a] x0lovelylarnx0 20-Jul-04/11:54 AM Reply

I hope that you like this poem!

[7] Prince of Void 21-Jul-04/3:53 AM Reply

That was good

[0] Sasha 24-Jul-04/4:31 PM Reply

This shows some grasp of imagery. The rhymes are once again forced though. When you have a word accented on the penultimate syllable ending a line, you should have 11 syllables in the line total.

[n/a] x0lovelylarnx0 › Sasha 25-Jul-04/4:06 PM Reply

For one thing the Terza Rima are supposed to only have 10 syllables in each line.

[0] Sasha › x0lovelylarnx0 1-Aug-04/10:42 PM Reply

Not if they're hendecasyllabic. They're supposed to have five stressed syllables interspersed with 5 or 6 unstressed syllables.

STOP COUNTING SYLLABLES

Learn what iambic pentameter is before you initiate anymore verbal defication