OLD AGE BLUES

Member since 2004 · Posted 9 Aug 2004 · 2 comments

today you turned 40 39 left yesterday soon will come the wrinkles your hair will start to gray your skin will turn flabby then you start to shrink you'll study yourself in the mirror and then you begin to think you try to remember yesterday and when you looked real great but how can you remember when your brain is being ate by old age creeping up on you on your body and your mind your bones are turning brittle and your eyes no longer shine but there's two things that won't go away if you fight those old age blues it's the smile you give so kindly and your friends who do like you.

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2 comments

[3] unknown^user 9-Aug-04/8:02 PM Reply

"being ate"? You push those verb conjugations far enough and they'll scream at ya.
Rambling, and the ending is just plain cheesy. Plus, the rhyming is so rigid that there's no room for the rhythm to get off, but it still does.
Sorry.

[6] Dovina 10-Aug-04/8:00 AM Reply

Let's hope there's more to old age than a kindly smile given to friends who's minds are as far gone as yours. Use it or lose it, like having the presence of mind to put your comment to somebody's comment right under their comment. By the way, your poem starts off well enough, I just think the ending could be a lot better.