poemranker ::Feast On Me by cuddlytiger17

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Pimple № 113579

Feast On Me

by cuddlytiger17

Member since 2004 · Posted 8 Oct 2004 · Edited 12 Oct 2004 · 10 comments

My barrier’s slowly crumbling Vulnerability Like armor torn by bullet holes No longer is it a shield, One can see straight through it A mirror of what I’ve tried to conceal Hacking away, pieces continue falling A stranger is emerging Lack of self Lack of control Fear of the unknown Eating away at this thin shell Feasting on what yet remains Bite by bite, being devoured Once engulfed, it will be no longer.

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mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7961 views 229 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

10 comments

[n/a] Rollsoftoiletpaper 10-Oct-04/7:53 AM Reply
What is a "pimple" anyways? I mean, what makes it different from free verse, etc.?
[n/a] cuddlytiger17 › Rollsoftoiletpaper 10-Oct-04/5:04 PM Reply
a pimple is generally written by teens expressing "teen angst," and usually isn't very good. They contain very common rhymes and lack word variation.
[7] wilco 10-Oct-04/7:26 PM Reply
If this were free verse I'd probably give it a 4 but since you called it a pimple I'll give you a 7.
[n/a] cuddlytiger17 › wilco 10-Oct-04/8:40 PM Reply
Oh thanks for ur kindness! lol. haha.
[7] zodiac 11-Oct-04/5:32 AM Reply
Honest question of the day: Is a target - presumably a shooting target - really ever intended as a shield? By whom?
[n/a] cuddlytiger17 › zodiac 11-Oct-04/1:06 PM Reply
I meant the "barrier" as being an emotional shield, and it being torn apart as a target is. Now that I look at it though, you're right, it doesn't make much sense how I worded it...Maybe you have some suggestions as to how I could fix it? That is if you understand what I was trying to say now? Thank you.
[n/a] cuddlytiger17 › zodiac 12-Oct-04/7:03 PM Reply
I changed target to armor, is it any better now?
[5] Caducus 12-Oct-04/2:52 AM Reply
Too good for a pimple too inconsistent in quality for a poem, the idea of being feasted upon could be elaborated on sooner as the end is the strongest part but by then i lost interest.

Not bad - not good. 5
[n/a] cuddlytiger17 › Caducus 12-Oct-04/3:25 PM Reply
Could you elaborate a little more? What's inconsistent in quality, and are you suggesting that maybe I should omit some lines and reword others?
[9] scitz › cuddlytiger17 14-Oct-04/8:10 AM Reply
Much better