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Meltdown

Member since 2002 · Posted 13 Nov 2004 · Edited 27 Feb 2006 · 6 comments

One million suns, Wreak havoc upon Earthâs soil. Cities fall amidst flames, That send iron and steel to boil. No continent is safe, From the radiating mist. Flowing graceless with the wind, Conquering all that exists. The final meltdown, Brings freedom to our souls. One small mistake, Turning all life cold.

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0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.40 weighted 5.05 rank 6901 views 224 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

6 comments

[n/a] deleted user 13-Nov-04/11:34 AM Reply

INSIPID That didn't happen.

[n/a] longships 13-Nov-04/11:08 PM Reply

For someone who has posted no poems, you certainly enjoy using the word INSIPID. Is this one of only a few words in your vocabulary.

Anyway, the way the world is going, this outcome is a distinct possibility.

[8] Shardik 13-Nov-04/11:23 PM Reply

I would make "sends" singular

[7] Dovina 27-Feb-06/6:22 PM Reply

Why a million suns? Otherwise it sounds like cold war rhetoric of the 50's.

[8] LilMsLadyPoet 1-Mar-06/10:24 AM Reply

graceless seems a tad forced here...but I like this. The last stanza is rather strange in that it brings 'freedom to our souls'...which feels like relief and sounds nice and desirable...but then it ends, "turning all life cold", which is the opposite. Maybe this was on purpose?...it would be one to some people, and the other to other people.

[7] ecargo 3-Mar-06/8:22 AM Reply

Don't let the rhymes drive the poem (send iron and steel to boil is a good example--awkward and wordy, just because you wrote to the rhyme). Watch for over-familiar terms like "wreak havoc"--generally, if use a term you later realize you've read elsewhere a gazillion times , change it. How does something flow "gracelessly"?

Good topic, but could use more moodiness.