Free verse № 116168
Corner Shop, 5 Quinton Road
Ravaged by age
arced away from skies
pavement slabs roll
until grey becomes green.
Beneath the metal flag
she enters the shelter,
contorting as she sits,
aped by girning monkeys
Who love their Grandmaâs.
Every Tuesday she waits,
for the 9.12 to Quinton Road.
To hear her name spoken kindly
by David in the corner shop.
Tescoâs is nearer and cheaper,
full of cantering blurs
beeps and name wearing do-gooderâs
who lower there tone for the crippled,
calling her âloveâ if sheâs lucky.
As she enters the corner shop
the old bell rings
and heater rattles
David holds the door
softly speaking her name:
âHello Dorisâ.
She crooks her neck to look him in the eyes,
to greet him properly.
Then her eyes damson
at a sign on the wall
âclosing down saleâ.
4 comments
Some unusual and interesting language, "aped by girning monkeys," "cantering blurs," which needs a comma, I think.
"there tone" should be "their tones." Right?
The last verse lacks the punctuation of the first two.
Interesting!
The puntuation is good,somethings fishy about the opening line. Maybe a bit run on. It's also visually well balanced. 2 points. It's definitely worth "finishing".
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