poemranker ::Elopement by Sasha

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Other № 117574

Elopement

Member since 2004 · Posted 30 Dec 2004 · 4 comments

That afternoon as your pupil’s blue Reflected and magnified The water that rose and water that fell And we lay by rhythmic tide, You held me so I couldn’t tell The sea from the waves in your eyes Or either from the flood of blue That spilled across the skies. I sunk in you and, through and through, became no longer me. We rose and we fell as if we two might imitate the sea. No scouring ship nor plane that flew Would ever find me there: Sunken in you, awash in your blue By the shore of your sand-bright hair.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 7.83 weighted 5.76 rank 1791 views 258 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

4 comments

[9] richa 31-Dec-04/5:07 AM Reply
I have no doubt you write well.
[9] Dovina 31-Dec-04/8:24 AM Reply
Romantic! It's like Beach Villanelle, but better, a lot better. I must complain, however, about "magnified" because anything reflected from a person's eye is not magnified, but reduced in size as in a convex mirror. Overall very appealing.
[n/a] zodiac › Dovina 1-Jan-05/10:15 PM Reply
It only reflected smaller. It refracted magnified.
[9] Scarlett 24-Mar-06/4:09 PM Reply
This has the feeling of Caribbean ocean coolness, quenching the heat of sandy shores. Very nice…