poemranker ::Broken by singinkygal

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Free verse № 119231

Broken

by singinkygal

Member since 2003 · Posted 31 Jan 2005 · Edited 3 Feb 2005 · 1 comment

Broken Weak All words spoken NO more to speak Of what is wrong Or what is right My heart’s heavy song And love’s cold bite Misery’s cruel smell of victory And happiness thrashing about drowning in defeat My heart is broken before me as I weep at your feet.

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mean 3.33 weighted 4.80 rank 11126 views 159 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

1 comment

[n/a] fevriere 3-Feb-05/9:31 AM Reply
Oddly I like this, to begin with, but if there are no words to speak, how can you even squeeze a rhyme out of a poem? Have you considered cutting it off after "or what is right"? The "heart's heavy song" coul be the title - 'tis a redeemable line but the best poetry is the best words (e.g. for a poem on this theme, few?) in the right order (to give a sense of dullness, emptiness.