Deep Thought

Member since 2002 · Posted 12 Mar 2005 · Edited 1 Apr 2005 · 4 comments

Once again Iâm deep in thought, listening to the never changing melody of a someoneâs inner inspiration. While in this place of delayed reality I wonder why constantly I seem to live my life in a place of false consciousness that leaves me dry once I escape out of the utopian fog and into the cruel actuality that the knowledgeable spend their waking moments drowning in. With knowing all of this I still crave to join them, to be able to walk among the half living whose lives are filled with a artificial happiness that seems to suit most just fine. In my heart of hearts I know that although my alternate world may not be realistic Iâm able to feel completely and truly, although I may not do what is expected of me, Iâm still able to look at memories and times of great joy and not feel sorrow for times past as others do in their so called reality. And knowing all of that makes me alter my wishing once more so that I stay in my mental hibernation. Yet still Iâll pray that maybe one day the realities of my personal haven will become realities of the cold universe that Iâve forsaken.

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4 comments

[4] Dovina 12-Mar-05/5:44 PM Reply

Not really a poem.

[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom 2-Apr-05/1:16 AM Reply

More of a rant than anything.

[3] James Rykelangeli 2-Apr-05/5:20 PM Reply

You feel "completely and truly" in a place of "false consciousness" and "mental hibernation"... hmm -- you seem unsure of what you're trying to say. But it seems you're talking about daydreaming versus reality, and since you're listening to "a someone's inspiration," we can perhaps surmise that you're talking about idealistic daydreaming elicited by art, conversation, etc., and I suppose your final sentence is about making the world more like the ideals you imagine. Yes, these sentiments are fine, but with poetry, you should often attach them to something concrete or else the whole poem becomes nebulous and difficult to relate to. (While this isn't a law etched in stone, it will be a particularly good exercise for improving the shortcomings demonstrated in this poem.) The concrete situation or object to which you attach your sentiments becomes the medium by which you examine those sentiments. (An example of a hackneyed medium would be a rose to examine love.)

[8] rahson_s 1-Dec-05/1:30 PM Reply

I'm digging this..