Free verse № 121961

Memory

Member since 2005 · Posted 17 Mar 2005 · 4 comments

I Remember I remember it was a hot sunny day. the birds were chirping the kids where running Especially me, It smelled like a party and sweet treats It taste like fresh air, Then the whole thing just turned around. It tasted like blood, It smelt like rubber doctor gloves. It looked like I donât know because I couldnât see. What had happened to me? I was running I looked back and around Skin and Blood fell to the ground. Busted lip and jacked up face. Brick wall brick wall I should've kept my pace.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.50 weighted 5.06 rank 6779 views 156 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

4 comments

[n/a] chocolate9009 17-Mar-05/5:13 PM Reply

i ran into a wall

[6] Dovina 17-Mar-05/5:30 PM Reply

I can see you ran into a wall without your saying so. And the spacing is just distracting. Other than that it's not bad.

[n/a] edpeterson 17-Mar-05/7:36 PM Reply

ROFLMMFAO

[6] thepinkbunnyofdoom 2-Apr-05/1:24 AM Reply

Lose alot of the spacing, and give this a little bit of rewriting. Mainly the last line. "Brick wall, Brick wall, I should've kept my pace," would probably sit better as two lines, instead on one. -6-