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In the aspens

Member since 2002 · Posted 28 Apr 2005 · Edited 26 May 2005 · 6 comments

. In a stand of aspens We print poetry Mocking mother nature With silent souls we shout weaknesses Previously unparalleled As honey and dew drips quietly from silent tongues Leaves of every color litter the ground Still, unaware of our surroundings We unwittingly spit on the history Of souls stained like ours Straining against powers We could never comprehend Still silent In this peaceful mountain land

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4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

6 comments

[9] http://mulberryfairy 28-Apr-05/7:47 PM Reply

nice. I like "We unwittingly spit on the history
Of souls stained like ours"

[7] Dovina 1-May-05/4:47 PM Reply

I am not getting how the printing of poetry mocks mother nature here in the aspens. And how do we shout weaknesses that are previously unparalleled (unshouted or unfelt)?

Incomplete sentence: "As honey and dew drips quietly from silent tongues."

Aspen leaves are yellow in the fall, so how do leaves of every color litter the ground?

But like Mulberry says, the next lines are good.

Sorry, I'm picky today.

[n/a] sliver › Dovina 1-May-05/9:25 PM Reply

Actually, if you've ever watched the aspens turn, they are multi-colored. The poetry itself mocks mother nature, but it's all a matter of interpretation.

[n/a] Dental Panic 27-May-05/1:57 AM Reply

Sure. Just center it and it looks like an inscription on a memorial. It's postcard poetry. The voice needs a little reverberation here. The words don't do the job.

[5] deleted user 27-May-05/6:37 AM Reply

You can mock mother nature all you want, but you will never be able to filter out a certain sense of wonder. The poem would have been great (after changes according to Dovina's advices) if it had contained both feelings. It's in the last two lines perhaps, but not powerful enough.

[10] deleted user 13-Oct-05/5:23 PM Reply

Here's the ten you wanted