chris (not finished yet)

Member since 2005 · Posted 3 May 2005 · Edited 5 May 2005 · 2 comments

I can't sleep without out the thoughts of you invade my dreams. You are so beautiful to me, when I open my eyes you are all I see. Your blue eyes they haunt each moment of my day. I would give anything for the feeling I have for you to just go away, for I know you don't feel the same for me. The things I'd do just to be around you I go out of my way each and everyday just to see your face, to see that smile you always give me. this poem is not done it needs to be fixed bad

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 2.50 weighted 4.70 rank 11980 views 200 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

2 comments

[4] unknown^user 3-May-05/2:29 PM Reply

Is "without out" in the first line a typo?
You may want to considering adding line breaks, especially where things rhyme like at "me" and at "day."
There needs to be some sort of punctuation between "around you" and "I got out."

[n/a] eliznhaz › unknown^user 3-May-05/2:29 PM Reply

yes the first line is a typo I know there is alot of this poem that needs to be fix and it needs to be straightend out theres alot missing that I'd like to add but i can't seem to find the words