poemranker ::Malice In Wonderland (edited) by Caducus

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Free verse № 124962

Malice In Wonderland (edited)

by Caducus

Member since 2002 · Posted 3 May 2005 · Edited 27 Jan 2006 · 9 comments

When Alice grew up she fell through darkness searching for Wonderland. Trembling she saw her life mirrored in a sea of scolding tea. Vessels of her childhood fell Landing as a wreck Next to a dead white rabbit by its broken clock-watch. The Cheshire cat appeared Grinning with decayed teeth At children garrotted by ribbons choking as they fell with Alice. The Queen of hearts waited for her to land stripped Alice naked, watched her guilt rape seeded skin Then ripped her heart out, watching its last beat fade with her blue eyes as death cards chanted 'long live the Queen'.

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mean 5.83 weighted 5.22 rank 4292 views 305 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

9 comments

[9] INTRANSIT 17-May-05/12:19 PM Reply
What, may I ask, birthed the Idea for this poem?
I am not the giver of the anal retentive 5.
[4] deleted user 17-May-05/4:55 PM Reply
It needs courage to take Carroll's story a step further. And here's the problem: you didn't. Your version turns a disturbing dream into a rather vulgar nightmare and in the process misses out on the fine-tuned philosophical jokes and nonsensicals of the original. This poem's like one of those MAD-parodies on movies but without the tong-in-cheekness. (And the MAD-parodies weren't subtile to begin with) So the poem has very little to do with Alice in Wonderland.
This could work, I think, if you strip (no, not that) Alice from her innocence and let all inhabitants of Wonderland stay the way as Carroll created them.
Let HER confuse/terrorize THEM.
[8] Plaidypus 17-May-05/6:45 PM Reply
DAMN!
[n/a] Caducus 27-Jan-06/7:46 AM Reply
whatever i do i still think this need san edit
[7] Dovina › Caducus 27-Jan-06/11:58 AM Reply
Yes, I think this line need san (needs an) edit:
"watched her guilt rape seeded skin"
[6] Glasseyez 28-Jan-06/1:16 AM Reply
Why man this movie was awesome, how do you compare Alice in Wonderland where she was in a fantastical world full of wonderous things, to a sick wet dream straight out of the mind of Ted Bundy? I will give you a six though because I like your udder morbidness...Its refreshing
[7] MacFrantic 28-Jan-06/2:07 AM Reply
I enjoyed the idea *7*
[7] Ranger 28-Jan-06/4:23 AM Reply
Another good idea from you, Master C - I do like DoubleU's suggestion, maybe make Alice be the cause of the other characters' fall from grace? Although having said that, the poem (as it is) gives a really nasty feeling of Alice's confusion, but I think that it's potential at the moment. With time it'll realise that potential. 7 for now, I will have another look at this later.
[8] ALChemy 29-Jan-06/12:56 PM Reply
There is something horrific about childrens stories that you only discover as an adult. There's a little too much of a gap between images and the last stanza comes across as a shock gimmick.