poemranker ::Muggy by fevriere

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Other № 126656

Muggy

Member since 2004 · Posted 10 Jun 2005 · 10 comments

This morning, I woke up with the morning I was beckoned out of bed to draw and draw at pints of water to assuage a thumping head. A hangover! A novelty! the punishment for iced coffee; and giving blood and pouring sweat onto the city's heavy heat. My stomach is a goldfish bowl my head an amniotic bank my brain like crepe my fingers feeling warm and more than slightly lank. While yesterday began with promise, talking of the beerlike sun that washes with a harvest gold through the town on everyone; gently coaxes girls to smiling asks the boys undo their shirts fiddles even with the gravest tempts them early from their work. Day soon found its own objection: Thickened air and upped the heat. Furthermore, the day unwisely lowered ceilings in the street. Hung so quiet, blank as air had our bodies in their vice. Under them, I did a bad thing; drank sweet coffee poured on ice. I've been woken with the morning birds like details call outside. Fingers sweat still blank the sky too immature to drink its pride.

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10 comments

[7] deleted user 10-Jun-05/7:08 AM Reply
>>This morning, I woke up with the morning<<

Too simple.
'This morning, I woke up with the dead
of the morning'
(or whatever the American phrase is)
[n/a] fevriere › deleted user 10-Jun-05/11:51 AM Reply
How about,
"I woke up with the morning,
was beckoned out of bed"?
[7] deleted user › fevriere 10-Jun-05/11:55 AM Reply
Now you're making it PLAIN. Why? What's in your mouth when you wake up with a hangover? Dead mouses. Use, and infuse that.
[n/a] fevriere › deleted user 11-Jun-05/1:37 AM Reply
There were no mice in my mouth. It wasn't a real hangover. I'm not trying to regail you with tales of my alcoholism. (I feel like a nerd).
[7] deleted user › fevriere 11-Jun-05/3:23 AM Reply
Well, iced coffee can be spiked, and to quite fatal quantities...
[n/a] fevriere › deleted user 11-Jun-05/10:19 AM Reply
Shit, I hate it when my iced coffee gets spiked, don't you?
[n/a] zodiac › fevriere 11-Jun-05/12:51 AM Reply
Don't listen to any of them.

But do drop "I" from line 2.
[n/a] fevriere › zodiac 11-Jun-05/1:37 AM Reply
Wise move.
[7] Dovina 10-Jun-05/11:10 AM Reply
I wish the first verse carried the meter of the rest.
[n/a] fevriere › Dovina 10-Jun-05/11:52 AM Reply
I assumed only the linebreaks varied.