poemranker ::The tender side. by darby pyn

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Free verse № 127311

The tender side.

by darby pyn

Member since 2002 · Posted 18 Jun 2005 · 4 comments

When I channel you deliver me possession and let me be flattery for my plagiarism. I steal the sides to give texture to an empty well. your arms give a beautiful aesthetic to hollow spaces. in between the shadows of my thoughts where too many questions are gray without recollection you stay firm. my ornament of desire. you could never be a ghost in my home.

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4 comments

[3] Dovina 19-Jun-05/9:15 PM Reply
Doesn't make sense.
[n/a] darby pyn › Dovina 20-Jun-05/12:19 PM Reply

I know my writing seems vague and without foundation
but the subject of love is so overused with the same
old cliché in most poems on about it I tend to
be more abstract and less generic with my metaphors.
each person has their own interpretation and that’s
fine. I understand what I write. if others don’t
that’s OK. I hope their are scenes, verses that catch your
eye but dissecting it to pieces for everyone’s approval
and making it more tangible for mass opinion is bullshit.
I like your writing and appreciate all critcism.
constructive or not. I can take it. : )
I liked " unclean" allot.
[3] Dovina › darby pyn 20-Jun-05/12:42 PM Reply
OK, I'll try again, but you're dealing with a hard-nosed realist. (Glad you liked Unclean.) The first sentence is so difficult that you might want to put it later in the poem. Try starting with the third and fourth sentences because they flow well and give clues to your theme. The idea of channeling, balanced with ghost is good. The plagiarism phrase is grating and confusing.
[n/a] darby pyn › Dovina 20-Jun-05/2:37 PM Reply

The line “ let me be flattery for my plagiarism” comes from the
phrase “ Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”.
what I mean is I take all the beauty the person I admire has
and when I feel bad I think of her and I feel better.
thank you for your suggestions.
darby.