poemranker ::FAT BALLET- PAS DE DEUX by andrew barnes

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Terza Rima № 127846

FAT BALLET- PAS DE DEUX

Member since 2005 · Posted 25 Jun 2005 · 4 comments

Slow as the counterbalance of a crane she turns and falls down heavily, jolting fatigue through her struggling frame. Her wiry mate pirouettes cleverly, a long- limbed pulley, he offers an arm. They handle the weight jointly and severally, ensuring she stands up without further harm. They lean against each other and rest. She sucks deep breaths. He's controlled and calm. Choreographed, with the confidence that he knows best, he gently guides her across the street, to the path where the walking is easiest. Steady now, she begins to find her feet, quick to pick up his precise steps, agreeing where and when they will next meet.

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4 comments

[9] Dovina 25-Jun-05/7:16 AM Reply
Good, except for long-limbed pulley.
[n/a] andrew barnes › Dovina 26-Jun-05/12:42 PM Reply
Fair comment I'll lose the "pulley" . Ta
[10] zodiac 26-Jun-05/2:59 AM Reply
Change "jolting fatigue", "long- limbed pulley", and give the ending some punch. Very good, though. Have you been watching Dancing with the Stars?
[8] Ranger 18-Feb-06/1:35 PM Reply
Amusing, quite witty and good fun.
I'd rather see an alternative to the 'cleverly/severally' rhyme, but that's my only real gripe.