Out of a White Hole

Member since 2005 · Posted 29 Aug 2005 · 15 comments

Conceived in a black hole mid the iris of the minds eye Itâs critical mass collapsed ego pulls us deep inside Fueling the cosmic whirlpool Churning lie upon lie Iâm singular, infinite, and beautiful There your throne is ethereal Lord of the vast nothing But somewhere in the brains grey material comes something An immaculate concept Brighter than light and too lite to be kept by subconscious gravity It flies on whimsical wings It changes everything Reversing relativity till the irrelevant is ideal It turns the wheel counter-clockwise Summoning the spirit. Arise, arise! A new universe unfolds And behold, a star is reborn. To decorate your sky

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15 comments

[10] INTRANSIT 29-Aug-05/5:51 AM Reply

Ha! Universe inside the mind ! Love it !

[n/a] ALChemy › INTRANSIT 29-Aug-05/1:16 PM Reply

Thanks.
I was at a loss for a title till a thought crossed my mind.
"Is there such things as white holes?" I researched it and found some interesting scientific theories and yet another metaphor.

[10] Bethy 29-Aug-05/11:12 AM Reply

Ahhh...is that what it looks like in there...excellent...:) Bethy

[n/a] ALChemy › Bethy 29-Aug-05/1:24 PM Reply

Maybe what we see on the outside is inside. So why not create something on the inside and make it on the outside.

[n/a] ALChemy › ALChemy 29-Aug-05/1:28 PM Reply

Thanks Beth
Your :)'s are always the most genuine.

[9] Dovina 29-Aug-05/11:59 AM Reply

You've got some great images here.

mind's eye
brain's gray matter

[n/a] ALChemy › Dovina 29-Aug-05/12:49 PM Reply

Thanks D.
That's pretty much how it came to me.
In inspiring lines and images. I wrote them down and then pieced them together adding and subtracting parts till I found somekind of connected meaning in it. (a method of writing that I use quite often.) There was a primal feeling in me that emanated throughout the writing of the poem and I can only hope found it's way into the poem.

[8] LilMsLadyPoet 29-Aug-05/4:12 PM Reply

brain's< spelling The singlualr period, in the second to last line, and then none at the end...fix that... and get rid of commas or use puncuation throughout.
The transition here is uncomfortable>
by subconscious gravity
It flies on whimsical wings
maybe would be helped with a period there? But then you start with 'it', without saying what 'it' is. I don't know...needs some work there. I like it though,; unique. So will give you a genrous vote...but would be higher with some cleaning up.

[8] LilMsLadyPoet › LilMsLadyPoet 29-Aug-05/4:14 PM Reply

SINGULAR..even! Oh..and I adore the first stanza in its entirety!

[n/a] ALChemy › LilMsLadyPoet 30-Aug-05/4:34 AM Reply

Thanks.
Don't know how I missed "brain's".
I dropped the periods at the end of the lines for a cleaner look.
I see now I missed one of the little boogers.
In the transition I used capital letters to imply the start of a new sentence at the beggining of a line. Maybe I'll have to put all the periods back.
I'm glad you liked the first stanza. I spent more time re-editing that first stanza then I did on the rest of the poem.

[n/a] ALChemy › LilMsLadyPoet 30-Aug-05/4:19 AM Reply

Originally "It" was "Art" but I felt there was something more mysterious and primal about what I was describing and I wanted the reader to find their own meanings for "It" and the other symbols. I guess "It" could represent the subconscious thought escaping into consciousness. But still I think it goes deeper than that. Youâre welcome to give it any meaning you want.
I'll wait a few days for more possible suggestions then I'll get to cleaning it up.
Thanks again.

[8] LilMsLadyPoet › ALChemy 2-Sep-05/9:20 AM Reply

I understand the meaning of 'it', but to start sentences with so many Its...that was what I was commenting on.

[6] Sasha 31-Aug-05/3:15 PM Reply

I think you extended the metaphor beyond its shelf-life. It feels cluttered by abstractions to fill in the places where imagination fails. Other than that good.

[n/a] ALChemy › Sasha 11-Sep-05/4:36 PM Reply

I wish I knew what abstractions you were talking about.

[10] Quarton 20-Sep-05/11:03 AM Reply

Really good writing. I write a fair amount on quantum physics as it is on the cutting edge of reality tho most people aren't familiar with the subject. You express yourself and your concepts quite well. Also, one of the few to put these concepts into poetic form, not an easy task when dealing with the abstract and esoteric. Keep it up. Oh yeah, a ten.