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Stardust

Member since 2004 · Posted 5 Sep 2005 · Edited 7 Sep 2005 · 13 comments

The stars are out early Shining brightly in the sky Sprinkling their stardust Down upon you and I Golden glitter pours As the stars twinkle above Casting an enchanted glow On our endless love The sun still casts its light Down upon the world At your gentle touch The wings of love are unfurled As the sun sets slowly Painting a rainbow in the sky Stars sprinkle stardust Down upon you and I

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mean 3.00 weighted 4.76 rank 11644 views 158 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

A favorite of Heather Dee.

13 comments

[8] Bethy 5-Sep-05/6:13 PM Reply

very beautiful...it paints a nice picture...*8* :) Bethy

[10] Heather Dee 6-Sep-05/2:46 AM Reply

This poem is absolutley beautiful. I love it!

[10] zodiac 6-Sep-05/3:48 AM Reply

You know what I think is genius? How you've given a poem exactly the same name as one of the most famous songs of all time, yet your poem and the song are so dissimilar. I mean, check out these lyrics from the original:

And now the purple dusk of twilight time
Steals across the meadows of my heart
High up in the sky the little moon starts to climb
Always reminding me that we're apart
You wandered down the lane and far away
Leaving me a song that will not die
Love is now the stardust of yesterday
The music of the years gone by

Sometimes I wonder why I spend
a lonely night dreaming of a song
The melody haunts my reverie,
and I am once again with you
When our love was new
and each kiss an inspiration
But that was long ago,
now my consolation is in the stardust of a song.

Beside a garden wall,
when stars are bright,
you are in my arms
The nightingale tells his fairy tale
Of paradise where roses grew
Though I dream in vain,
in my heart it will remain
My stardust melody,
The memory of love's refrain

Is there any point on which your poem didn't take a new and astonishing direction? No! Not a one! Beautiful. -10-

[n/a] TLRufener › zodiac 6-Sep-05/6:48 AM Reply

I have never heard that song before in my life. Wow.

[10] zodiac › TLRufener 8-Sep-05/4:26 AM Reply

Really? Amazon.com returns 213 results, including versions by Rod Stewart, Dave Brubeck, Willie Nelson, and a man named Hoagy Carmichael.

[n/a] INTRANSIT 6-Sep-05/9:59 AM Reply

Though it still needs some work, I think you should look at this. jsp id=102847.

[n/a] INTRANSIT 6-Sep-05/10:07 AM Reply

And 18345 which doesn't need work. these are good examples of relatively simple rhyme that can easily ratchet up a poem.

[5] Tintagiles 7-Sep-05/7:34 PM Reply

Heavens. Love/above. How original. Yawn.

Line 12: Put wings in the plural and get rid of 'were'. That helps the rhythm. However, for the sake of rhyme you have put that one line in past tense while the rest of the poem is in the present. It can work, but it seems odd. I'd also suggest changing it to 'down on you and I' throughout, thus adding to the five syllable rhythm threading through this whole thing (5, 8, 10, 11, 15).

[5] Tintagiles 7-Sep-05/7:58 PM Reply

Let me see... I read and voted on this twenty minutes ago. What exactly have you changed?

[n/a] TLRufener › Tintagiles 7-Sep-05/8:02 PM Reply

I changed what I felt should be changed.

wing ---> wings
were ---> are

[5] Tintagiles › TLRufener 7-Sep-05/8:08 PM Reply

Ah. Right. Makes rather more sense thus.

[4] wilco 8-Sep-05/1:03 PM Reply

And for a second I thought it was Willie..but alas, no.

There's just nothing original here...please see my comment on...umm, one of the poems by Heather Dee as it applies here as well.

[n/a] TLRufener › wilco 8-Sep-05/2:34 PM Reply

It would be a lot more helpful if you just repost the comment. Thanks.