poemranker ::Are you my love? by Prince of Void

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Free verse № 131359

Are you my love?

Member since 2002 · Posted 25 Sep 2005 · 3 comments

Are you my love? Is it wonderful to know? All the dreams All the dreams Could end in my selfishness But my mind is happy Need to learn to let it go I know you meant a world to me But since you have been changed I’ve been lost inside Tried and failed as my tears fell down And I wish you could see the love in my eyes The best memories we had Burying me in thousand times of agony Frozen alive in the coldness of a frozen heart But what’ else could I say? Since everything has gone wrong Seems there is no one there Unspeakably disillusioned within despairs Shall I rise like sea again? Shall I be range against dying light? Finally did we loss ourselves? The love that death has no dominion The love never been lost But it just divides us And it’s wearing me down And it’s keeping me captivated And it’s keeping me fascinated Now to find it out Where I see You are still the love couldn’t perish Let me sink in the ocean of divination and devotion Where are you when I die to see you? Your are my dream Your are my love This poem is dedicated to the beloved {bohemian_empress}

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mean 2.50 weighted 4.70 rank 11982 views 220 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

3 comments

[3] Tintagiles 25-Sep-05/8:10 PM Reply
It seems to be missing the occasional 'that' and 'the'.
[n/a] cabot 13-Oct-05/3:46 PM Reply
its a good poem. i like it because i can relate to it. nice job
[2] D P Robertson 13-Oct-05/8:29 PM Reply
That really is a bit of dog's bollocks isn't it? From the illiterate "Finally did we loss ourselves?" that's "lose" I think, to the bog of cliches the reader finds themselves sinking in.

"Where I see you are still the love couldn’t perish
Let me sink in the ocean of divination and devotion"

The first line sounds like Yoda after sniffing deep thoughts from a paint tin and the second is just shit. However, there are some gems sprinkled throughout this and what you need to do is focus and edit. other than that

"it just divides us and it’s wearing me down"

David