monday

Member since 2005 · Posted 10 Oct 2005 · 2 comments

today is the day a fresh and sparkling start had a good rest dinner movie drinks friends fire dreams last night i dreamt i was drafted i was unprepared a mess of improper clothing no tools my sister got out of the truck crying and i hugged her she walked around this house with me suggesting what i needed while i struggled to find it i remember camo pants but plaid shirt my backpack sagging with a few worthless things the enemy was already moving in the streets they knew we were in there the sound of gunshots the pulse of fear i woke early and made french toast and coffee today is the day a fresh and sparkling start a new seat on my bicycle i am prepared

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 4.80 weighted 4.98 rank 8335 views 174 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

2 comments

[8] zodiac 13-Oct-05/2:22 AM Reply

This is really pretty good. I'd start from the second stanza and tighten it up a little. For example,

I was drafted
and unprepared

Or something such. Nice job.

[n/a] ay deee › zodiac 14-Oct-05/7:00 AM Reply

thank you, i'll see what i can do...