poemranker ::Waking at night by Niphredil

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Free verse № 131938

Waking at night

Member since 2005 · Posted 11 Oct 2005 · 5 comments

I open my eyes and it is all dark around me, a blurry dark where dreams and furniture coalesce; Silhouettes before the window, their contours smudged. Outside, fluttering bat-wings beat spastically against the air, plunge and swoop with blinding speed; outside the window, a world, sharp-edged and pulsing with haste, racing to survive this night, another night. Mine are the sleepy shadows, the warmth of the covers, the dull heat of you pressed against my back, your breathing. The world outside might have dropped away. I would not know.

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mean 6.75 weighted 5.21 rank 4466 views 218 View voting details →

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5 comments

[9] INTRANSIT 11-Oct-05/2:19 PM Reply
Stanza two: outside/outside the window. one or the other please. AND: IS racing to survive this night /OR another night.
that is all.
[9] Dovina 15-Oct-05/12:47 PM Reply
The word "dull" seems too bland. Otherwise I like it a lot.
[n/a] Niphredil › Dovina 15-Oct-05/12:59 PM Reply
Thank you! Much appreciated.
[n/a] zodiac › Dovina 17-Oct-05/1:32 AM Reply
Ha. The word "bland" seems too bland. Game, set, match.
[9] Ranger 18-Mar-06/2:50 PM Reply
Hmm...wasn't sure about 'bat-wings beat spastically' - it seemed a bit cumbersome, and bats are generally very graceful, in an odd sort of way - the same way that swifts are.