poemranker ::The End by Caducus

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Free verse № 132016

The End

by Caducus

Member since 2002 · Posted 13 Oct 2005 · Edited 15 Oct 2005 · 6 comments

My author of ten nibs wrote biographies on me then read in my eyes the prologue of our love. When God wrote her ending each time I cried I became unreadable, a tragedy of blank pages. I have to end to continue all she left me was chapters, and I will remain closed waiting for my end of days. Sunset falls like 'Seppuku', spewing its end from its swords of light as nights mackintosh waits Like a reaper I had prayed for But lived because I promised her. If only I were closed If only I were Sunset I could fall skywards Into your arms Where I could set spectacular And in my eyes you'd see 'The End'

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6 comments

[n/a] Caducus 13-Oct-05/9:35 AM Reply
need to know last line of s4 - is it needed do you thibnk?
[n/a] <~> 14-Oct-05/10:00 AM Reply
i don't think it is. the fact that you are wishing in the next stanza implies that you are living, and i don't think you need to make the promise to.

nice job, cad.
[n/a] ALChemy 14-Oct-05/11:44 AM Reply
First two lines don't make sense to me (Please explain) and you carry the metaphor for 3 verses and then abandon it for something completely different.
Should you lose the last line of S4? -Yes and also all of S4 and S5. Save most of S4 though for another poem. There's some good stuff in it. When every line in the first 3 stanzas are the same metaphor your kinda stuck with it and you got to stay with it.

Did you mean "Seppuku"?

Some real good lines in it though.
[n/a] Caducus › ALChemy 15-Oct-05/4:58 AM Reply
Glad too.

The author of ten nibs are her fingers stroking me through making love. Writing/Carving a memory which scarred.

This poem is a typical example of locking the door while you write so you are not interrupted. Flawed because of it but thanks for the negs and positve comments -one i wil have to revisit.
[n/a] zodiac 15-Oct-05/5:50 AM Reply
Q: Did you know that "The End" is infamously the name of the Doors' awful Apocalypse Now theme-song?

Christ, maybe I AM old. Or educated.
[n/a] ALChemy › zodiac 16-Oct-05/1:19 AM Reply
Q: You were smoking a joint when you wrote this weren't you?



Actually that sounds like a good idea.