poemranker ::Creatures That Crawl To Me by D P Robertson

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Free verse № 132087

Creatures That Crawl To Me

by D P Robertson

Member since 2005 · Posted 13 Oct 2005 · 4 comments

Caverns of creatures crawl over my soul These creatures they come to me In waves they wander In gnawing In snarls In my dreams Knotted in gnarls Are these creatures that crawl to me Gather your ghosts on liquid graves Poltergeists parade for me In waves they stumble In horror Insane In my dreams They look the same As these creatures that crawl to me Slithering fear of shuddering dread Swallows my silent plea In waves I mumble In trouble In fear In my dreams What is now here But these creatures that crawl to me Haunting my home these deathless dead I wake with a start to see In waves they gather In seizure In pain In my dreams They came and came All these creatures that crawl to me These creatures shred a mind long left Shredded by those like me In waves I wonder In sorrow In blood In my dreams Defending love From these creatures that crawl to me Caverns of creatures may crawl to my death Their madness is mine you see In waves they gather United In hate In my dreams As if by fate Kill these creatures that crawl to me Blazing a light on a long black coast Seen from this coal dark sea In waves I swallow In water In help In my dreams Choking in kelp Drown these creatures that crawl to me By David Peter Robertson

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mean 4.75 weighted 4.97 rank 8473 views 148 View voting details →

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4 comments

[7] jessicazee 14-Oct-05/12:52 AM Reply
Seriously? And your name at the end? Wo. Seek help. Hee.
Redeeming qualities: the line "choking in kelp" is totally excellent, as is "gather your ghosts on liquid graves".
Not good ideas: repeating the word "creatures" ad nauseam (weird, but not in a good way?) and forced-feeling line breaks throughout, especially in the last stanza, which is actually focused, but over-importantly broken up for no good reason. Edit please, but still a good 7.8 for effort. Read it 3 times in fact.
[n/a] ALChemy 14-Oct-05/5:40 AM Reply
See I thought the DP stood for Double Penetration.
[6] Dovina 14-Oct-05/11:15 AM Reply
A dream of redundant fears. Could be a lot shorter, but maybe you wanted to stress the recurrance.
[n/a] ALChemy 14-Oct-05/12:17 PM Reply
Nice stab at Poe like verse but the poem goes absolutely nowhere.
"Caverns of creatures crawl". One too many on the alliteration. You can get away with that more with softer sounding vowels, as in "While I wondered weak and weary". Harder sounding vowels will start to sound like tounge twisters.

Good job staying true with the meter.