Derrick Holmes

Member since 2005 · Posted 22 Nov 2005 · 3 comments

Our only objective was to rid The bodies of three women, Two infants and one adult male, Murdered by one handgun, all Receiving one bullet to the head, They were already drugged, all we had to do Was pull the trigger, all the victims Were Hispanic, only money Would motivate us to do such a thing, I have a cocaine addition worth more Than human life, my partner the same, He looked out while I did the shooting, already high On that stuff it wasn't as hard as I thought, we Moved the bodies to the car outside seating two Italian men, money exchanged hands and we were On our way to the spot, once there our biggest fear Was awaiting, Freeze, don't move, that was the last time I was on the streets of Brooklyn, I was Derrick Holmes www.utopiawright.com

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mean 5.50 weighted 5.06 rank 6755 views 164 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

3 comments

[8] cyan9 23-Nov-05/1:50 AM Reply

Sin City. Captivates the feel of gangster talk from films, I thought there were places where the piece could benefit from more elaberate use of language e.g

we Moved the bodies to the car
outside seating two Italian
>>>
We packed the stiffs in the motor
Outside seating two butch mafiosos

-pardon the spelling-

[8] zodiac 25-Nov-05/1:36 AM Reply

I like the style. There's a bunch of missing punctuation and randomly capitalized words, and 'addiction' is misspelled, but the half-rhymes are really cool. I kind of wish this was a little more meaningful than a book report.

[n/a] rahson_s › zodiac 6-Dec-05/10:47 AM Reply

I AGREE.

www.utopiawright.com