when i met sky alone

Member since 2002 · Posted 30 Dec 2005 · 10 comments

4:00 am inside.. scene of death the chilly breeze of dawn on the cold face of life when i met sky alone silence deserted .... and the poem has never been written .. [part one ]

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mean 4.43 weighted 4.85 rank 10603 views 276 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

10 comments

[n/a] Prince of Void 30-Dec-05/1:06 AM Reply

...............

[n/a] amanda_dcosta 30-Dec-05/1:13 AM Reply

Huh.... whats this about..... unable to connect with it.

[5] elderking 30-Dec-05/9:48 AM Reply

I was just starting to become interested; then read the last line and it was lost.

[n/a] Prince of Void › elderking 31-Dec-05/10:46 AM Reply

u are right ....thanx for ur comment ...can i ask ur ? what makes u interested in the first line

[5] elderking › Prince of Void 2-Jan-06/2:28 PM Reply

actually it wasn't the first line that caught my interest it was liine 2 & 3. . .both are keepers. The last line left me feeling like "what? is that all there is?"

[n/a] Prince of Void › elderking 4-Jan-06/6:12 AM Reply

thanx for ur comment ..soon i will tell everyone why i have this style

[6] Dovina 30-Dec-05/1:10 PM Reply

Line 2 is good.

[6] deleted user 1-Jan-06/3:21 PM Reply

I agree. Line 2 is really good--the rest is confusing.

[n/a] lmp 3-Jan-06/3:15 PM Reply

i will wait for the other parts before voting, but so far it feels a bit disjointed: first two lines read like an opening scene for a overly-dramatic "private-eye" novel, then it becomes personal and ethereal.
the next two lines lead me to believe your neighbors made too much noise for you to finish writing...

[n/a] Prince of Void › lmp 4-Jan-06/6:11 AM Reply

You are right..i think this is a very good p.o.v to this poem ..i like this comment...soon i will tell everyone why i have this style ..