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the light of a truly bright day

Member since 2006 · Posted 9 Jan 2006 · Edited 9 Jan 2006 · 3 comments

misplaced desire revealed dangerous impulse tempered arsenic attitude transmuted icy malice melted persistent night overcome

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mean 5.50 weighted 5.06 rank 6748 views 169 View voting details →

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3 comments

[6] cyan9 10-Jan-06/1:21 AM Reply

Accurate description, but the bullet like/ rapid statements dont bring you out into the bright day, a softer final sentance might add some relief e.g The persistance of night was overcome, I'm sure with nicer language you could do better than that example, but I do think the structure could be altered to massively improve this piece

[7] Dovina 10-Jan-06/10:58 AM Reply

I agree. But a clever twist would be nice - maybe, A bright cloudy day, or somesuch.

[9] http://mulberryfairy 10-Jan-06/8:31 PM Reply

well done- we had one of those bright days today