poemranker ::A flightless deer by Enkidu

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Free verse № 137077

A flightless deer

Member since 2004 · Posted 17 Jan 2006 · 2 comments

On the route where the trees line the forest walls I saw a deer. I saw it eating; it was eating, not flying. Not flying, because it had neither wings nor feathers to cover the wings it didn't have. The wings of the bird I cannot name are blue. The feathers are soft, but I cannot feel them. I cannot feel them like I cannot feel the wings of the flightless deer. There is little commotion on the route where the trees line the forest walls.

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mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7690 views 181 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

2 comments

[5] Dovina 18-Jan-06/11:27 AM Reply
The repeats add little, I think. The idea is good, but needs refinement.
[7] ALChemy 19-Jan-06/12:36 PM Reply
Maybe the deer wasn't flying because it wasn't Christmas yet. You might want to use an animal that hasn't been associated with flying.(hint: Don't use pigs either)