poemranker ::midnight feast by pollywolly

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 137810

midnight feast

by pollywolly

Member since 2006 · Posted 29 Jan 2006 · 7 comments

creeping down the darkened road, fading light of the street lamps behind us, we giggle eyes darting nervously we run past the silent wood pausing for breath as the old manse house looms in the distance, a menacing glow emanating from a window announcing the closeness fear arising hands clasping for one another we tiptoe past through the creaking gates of the old cemetary where the midnight feast can begin

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.25 weighted 5.03 rank 7310 views 166 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

7 comments

[8] ALChemy 29-Jan-06/12:20 PM Reply
Much like ecargo's tiger poem, your's starts something very interesting but it seems like it wnts to tell us more.
[n/a] pollywolly › ALChemy 30-Jan-06/8:00 AM Reply
yes i understand what you are saying. that was the idea to allow the reader to form their own ideas on what would happen next. i myself would say that this is a finished piece which could certainly stretch to a few more verses but i would be reluctant as i think it could spoil the effect by concluding it?
[8] ALChemy › pollywolly 30-Jan-06/9:28 AM Reply
I know what you're getting at. It's a horror technique designed to make the audience keep thinking about the movie after they go home and maybe hopefully have nightmares about it. But there's not a whole lot of stuff for your audience to take home yet. You still need more story. Right now what we've got is just a scary scene from the story.
[n/a] pollywolly › ALChemy 30-Jan-06/9:42 AM Reply
thats what i mean about not wanting to spoil the story if there is one lol cos what i was writing wasnt a horror or scary story but thats how it is being read. even on reading it myself now away from what i was remebering when i wrote it i can see it could be portrayed that way. so do you suggest if i was to expand it i should stray from fact and delve into fiction? tks for your comments very helpful tks
[8] ALChemy › pollywolly 30-Jan-06/10:02 AM Reply
See now I'm thinking this poem is sexual but then again I always think like that:) I would tell the whole story the way you want to tell it. I think with a start like this, if you surprised us with a plot twist or mood shift like where it sounds like you're going then that would be awesome. Sometimes we start poems and just get tired or run out of ideas or lose interest in what we're writing so we just wrap it up and move on. I say hang on to those poems. usually the perfect finish will come to you eventually.
[8] ecargo 29-Jan-06/5:13 PM Reply
Nicely creepy atmospherics.
[5] LilMsLadyPoet 31-Jan-06/9:28 AM Reply
old manse> man's ?
What type of feasting? are you body snatchers, or young lover about to sexually feast? seems like a long road to go...no where. I am not even sure what scene I am looking at. It seems like the beginning to a story, rather than a poem.