poemranker ::At Last in the Garden by ecargo

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Free verse № 140042

At Last in the Garden

Member since 2002 · Posted 3 Mar 2006 · 5 comments

In the orchards, the figs fall rotten, split and oozing blackened seeds and, black, the pulping flesh; weevils in the bread, the wine gone sour, and ravens feeding well on stinking death. Still the sun-mad surge, blood rampage, crazed for glory-after, as covetous as kings of flat rewards that shimmer like false water. Denned in red stone crumbling to sand, their howls wind across the burning land. In this place of sighs and stings we wander, find scorpion comfort in bruised jasmine star, nightingale fallen silent in the pleasure garden, the crescent rising, dully gleaming, gone.

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mean 9.33 weighted 6.17 rank 1043 views 229 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

5 comments

[8] amanda_dcosta 4-Mar-06/11:14 AM Reply
Sings a slight depressing note. It's pretty good though! Lovely choice of words.
[9] Ranger 5-Mar-06/10:14 AM Reply
Stanza 2...awesome. Just awesome. 'Flat rewards that shimmer like false water' is absolutely fantastic! 'Scorpion comfort' is equally as good.
Stanza 1 repulsed me. In a good way, that is.
[n/a] ecargo › Ranger 6-Mar-06/10:03 AM Reply
Thanks. There's lots not right with it, but it's gratifying that you liked the couple of things that I thought worked okay. :)
[9] Niphredil 5-Mar-06/10:30 AM Reply
Heh. I knew this was gonna be good once I read the first line. :-)

I thought the contrast between the surging, wild second stanza and the sudden lull in the third was great; I love your imagery.
[n/a] ecargo › Niphredil 6-Mar-06/10:04 AM Reply
Thanks. :)