poemranker ::no title by mystic enoch

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Other № 140507

no title

by mystic enoch

Member since 2005 · Posted 10 Mar 2006 · 3 comments

The wind blows right through me as if I'm not really here. It has a chill to it. Like death is near. Free me from the world that I linger in it does not want me. Daydreams are my only friends. Its hard not to get lost in them. Every breath is a labor. Each sunrise seals my fate. These days drag on for too long. My heart is like a heavy weight. I lie in the shadows watching life go by. Longing for the day that I will finally die.

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3 comments

[6] pollywolly 10-Mar-06/11:24 AM Reply
i like the wording used here and the fitting subject. think if you broke it down a bit into a more sympathetic structure it would flow better and be a far better read. nice work.
[6] Dovina 10-Mar-06/3:30 PM Reply
Title: "Prince of Void"

The line, "Free me from the world that I linger in," has a prayer-like tone and a "that," neither of which seem appropriate
[7] Ranger 15-Mar-06/7:50 AM Reply
Be a little more inventive with the rhymes.
'It's hard not to get lost in them' - totally true.