| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
no title (Other) by mystic enoch The wind blows right through me
as if I'm not really here.
It has a chill to it.
Like death is near.
Free me from the world
that I linger in
it does not want me.
Daydreams are my only friends.
Its hard not to get lost in them.
Every breath is a labor.
Each sunrise seals my fate.
These days drag on for too long.
My heart is like a heavy weight.
I lie in the shadows
watching life go by.
Longing for the day
that I will finally die.
Up the ladder:
logan st.
Down the ladder:
Goodbye Grampa "K"
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.2
Posted: March 10, 2006 10:19 AM PST; Last modified: March 10, 2006 10:19 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.0238404 Overall Rank: 7406 Comments:
[6]
pollywolly @ 62.30.167.19
|
10-Mar-06/11:24 AM
|
Reply
i like the wording used here and the fitting subject. think if you broke it down a bit into a more sympathetic structure it would flow better and be a far better read. nice work.
Title: "Prince of Void"
The line, "Free me from the world that I linger in," has a prayer-like tone and a "that," neither of which seem appropriate
Be a little more inventive with the rhymes.
'It's hard not to get lost in them' - totally true. 180 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
