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Life Is Like A Rose

Member since 2004 · Posted 21 Mar 2006 · 5 comments

Life is like a rose budding on a Sunday morning Life could end at any moment so live life to the fullest Life is all about taking chances But sometimes it's cut too short The power of a mighty storm killed hundreds Fatal car accidents break young teen's parents hearts Always forgive even if it's hard Life is beautiful and mysterious We never know what could come our way next Always try your hardest to do your best School work is a block in the road to having fun But school is one of the most important things if you want to be something when you grow up First and only first is where God comes He created your life and he knows when it ends Never forget that you alone have your own purpose Life is like a rose budding on a Sunday morning

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5 comments

[5] Dovina 21-Mar-06/6:53 PM Reply

These are good thoughts, but not very well formed in the language of poetry. Try starting with Line 5, then 6. Line 7 seem parenthetic, and could be scatched in this poem, used in another. Next, Line 3, 4, 2. Just some ideas.

[5] wilco 21-Mar-06/7:42 PM Reply

Good thoughts, but it's all been said before and in a much better way. Try looking for new ways to express your thoughts. Instead of just letting it flow onto the page, think about the line and think how you can say it in a different way.

[n/a] Ranger 22-Mar-06/2:57 AM Reply

Yes, Dovina and wilco are spot on, I think. This is excellent material as a draft or as ideas on a page but they'll take work to bring together. Every poet has written about a rose at sometime or another - but it's as good a place as any to start. The first line is really nice, so build on it!

[5] god'swife 22-Mar-06/10:08 PM Reply

You already are something, you don't need to grow-up for that. Quite the contrary; most folks forget who they are when they enter the world of grownuppedness.

teen's parents hearts. Doesn't that sound awful to you?

Young teen's is redundant. If you mean what you write then that line is saying kids who are in the lower teens(13, 14) excluding the older teens(18,19). Is that what you meant to come across?

Don't preach in poetry. That too, is redundant.
Again at the end you say ...you alone have your own purpose. That statement logically concludes that no one else in the world has their own purpose, only whoever happens to be reading your poem.

Write what you mean. It's the first step. Read your writing carefully. The message in your poem is true enough, that's very good. But you should practice different ways of expressing things. 'Live life to the fullest' is not only cliche but, more relevantly, it's extremely vague. What gauge is used to measure how full or empty a life has been lived?

[2] pete 19-Oct-07/2:09 PM Reply

god? ... god!