poemranker ::Cólera by MacFrantic

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Free verse № 142341

Cólera

Member since 2003 · Posted 16 Apr 2006 · 1 comment

Patchwork dynasty of fire Drops the midnight seeds to sow When her yawning cinders dissipate In wilting distances and roads Magnificent arrogance derived From the distress You cause eternity to tremble Shake to solemnity where blood lets The sheer volume delivers Where failing interest errs Outcomes come clear to constriction And the wailing outburst inserts The rocking of an honest angle The strokes edge entirely Warming wonders in the gusts of dawn Ill vengeance so forth ill buries Mark me down as obscene to query You may pass and dart as such But with song dangling handholds It is a profit in what evenings rush Sleep beneath coverless deception Wrath and balance be your sins To jealous rapport we encounter This cavalcade of pitted whims

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mean 4.50 weighted 4.98 rank 8285 views 174 View voting details →

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1 comment

[8] Ranger 17-Apr-06/1:46 AM Reply
Cool. You might think about changing 'blood lets...' to 'blood letting/Sheer volume deliver/Where failing interest...'. It would keep the original 'blood lets' meaning, while also adding a little more coherence to that passage. As it is, there are three decent yet mostly unconnected lines. Otherwise, good fun.