DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

A Little War Victim

Member since 2005 · Posted 25 Jun 2006 · 18 comments

I'm helpless, as I stand here waiting Mama, won't you come to me! Fire, ashes, burns and death, Where is my family? I am but eighteen months old now And wonder why I'm here alone There's only sand and broken homes And nothing else but bones and bones. Won't someone hear me; here I am. I'm hungry mama, where are you? Come hold me tight, I feel so scared Oh, mama, I need you! I sit and cry the whole day long I'm tired and weary, and forlorn, The sun is up, a scary sight, It's hot and sandy, a scary sight. I'm crying out loud, yet no one cares Nobody loves me, nobody dares, I wonder why I was ever born; To feel humanity's wrath and scorn? No water here to quench my thirst, No hugs to calm my trembling fears No one to claim me as their own To wipe away my tears. There are no friends to play with me To pull my hair, to tickle me, To change my clothes when I am wet, To cuddle me and call me pet... I lie here now in hope that you Might come and carry me away From what I see and lest should be One of those as history.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 7.50 weighted 5.67 rank 2061 views 282 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

18 comments

[10] ALChemy 25-Jun-06/8:16 AM Reply

Powerful stuff.
The last two lines are a little hard to understand. Do you mean something like "or else I'll be one of those lost to history"?

[n/a] amanda_dcosta 25-Jun-06/9:19 AM Reply

Thanks Al.

As for the last lines... it merely means.... come and take me away lest I'm history.

[9] Ranger 25-Jun-06/11:42 AM Reply

This is super - I'd get rid of the lines 'I wonder why I was ever born/To feel humanity's wrath and scorn' though.

[n/a] amanda_dcosta › Ranger 26-Jun-06/12:22 AM Reply

Thanks Ranger... this vote was quick. I feel there is some meaning to the lines you mentioned. It's like the baby wonders why it has to be the target for man's hatred and enmity.

However, shall try to see if there's a better way to word it.

[8] Niphredil › amanda_dcosta 26-Jun-06/8:54 AM Reply

I agree with Ranger. Everything from the baby's point of view, is great. However, in those two lines I really can't imagine the baby soaring to such heights of logic as to wonder about "humanity's wrath and scorn". After all, all the baby wants is somebody to comfort it, I don't think it understands (or cares, for that matter) about humanity.

Other than that, great job, Amanda. I love anything child-oriented you write, you do it so well :-D

[n/a] amanda_dcosta › Niphredil 26-Jun-06/9:11 AM Reply

Thanks Niphredil, I get the point. maybe I need to change it. Shall see what I can do about it.

And Nephredil, you have a soft corner for children, right? you'll do well in the long run.

[n/a] amanda_dcosta 26-Jun-06/8:46 AM Reply

I read this out to my five year old and the first thing he says after I read it is... "what is her name?"

Would anyone like to do the honors and name this unfortunate nameless child of my poem?

[8] Niphredil › amanda_dcosta 26-Jun-06/8:57 AM Reply

I was also sure it was a 'she'! But then I corrected it to that horrible 'it' for the baby.

Can't name her, sorry, without making some kind of political statement...

[8] Dovina › amanda_dcosta 27-Jun-06/4:30 PM Reply

It would have to be an Arab name, unless I totally misunderstand. She probably knows her name and wants to hear it spoken from familiar lips. Thoughts of her mother or other close kin are probably on her mind more than philosophy. I'd concentrate on her hunger, discomfort, and lonliness, letting the broader issues of war be infered by the reader.

[n/a] amanda_dcosta › Dovina 28-Jun-06/5:52 AM Reply

Thanks Dovina... and good to see you back after your long absence from PR. How did your biking trip go? Must have had a swell time.

As for the details of the issues of war that I have tried to note down, well, I must agree that I aught to edit that a bit. Maybe I aught to give more emphasis on the baby's needs... must admit that.

[8] Dovina › amanda_dcosta 28-Jun-06/9:49 AM Reply

Bicycling on Vancouver Island, Canada, and the San Juan Islands, Washington, was tough and beautiful, like a good man. Two women on bicycles, packing everything, caused somewhat of a stir among the natives. But we accomplished it, and such deeds benefit the world as much as poetry. The scariest part was the Holy-Crap-Itâs-A-Logging-Truck road from Lake Cowchan to Port Renfrew, where a man was mauled by a bear the week before we went. Good to be back.

[n/a] amanda_dcosta › Dovina 29-Jun-06/8:28 AM Reply

Yeah, it's good to have you back.

And now, am looking forward to your poems which are long overdue.
:-)

[8] Dovina › amanda_dcosta 29-Jun-06/9:44 AM Reply

How do you rascals connect to Chat? I can't make the dang thing work.

[10] ALChemy › Dovina 29-Jun-06/11:00 AM Reply

I just click the word "chat". Dang we were expecting you too. We were quite disappointed. She has all kinds of gossip for you.
I very happy to see you back by the way.

PS. Stop disappearing for weeks at a time dangit. This place ain't the same without you.

[8] Dovina › ALChemy 29-Jun-06/11:13 AM Reply

Well dang! I was at the public library using my laptop there and the wireless. Now I'm at the Mac Store and Chat works fine. It's good to be back and to see that you too have not abandoned this place, albeit I see no new poems from you. Hang in or hang it - that is the question. Happy to see you hanging.

[n/a] Stephen Robins › Dovina 30-Jun-06/7:15 AM Reply

yuck.

[10] CherokeeRoseLoggins 29-Jun-06/4:32 AM Reply

An excellent write. Good construction and rhyme. A godo concept that those in war would understand and know the depths of emotions and feeling here. Excellent write. (Thumbs Up)

[n/a] amanda_dcosta › CherokeeRoseLoggins 29-Jun-06/8:48 AM Reply

Thank you CRL. I honestly didn't think my poem was that good. It's very encouraging to note your critique and vote. Thank you once again.