moving on

Member since 2002 · Posted 26 Jun 2006 · 2 comments

It was terribly basic No real thought Back of head met brick A lesson was taught Sitting alone now I can see The reasons where gave Don't apply to me Who misbehaved? My system was cleared In a far away place No conscience was smeared I didn't bring a disgrace Just have to find A lover for keeps Must have hair on top of a mind Then all have benefit reaps

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mean 4.67 weighted 4.96 rank 8606 views 167 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

2 comments

[7] Ranger 30-Jun-06/12:43 AM Reply

Typo line 6 - 'were', I think you mean. But the grammar isn't very user-friendly there so it could be that you meant 'where'. Not very clear though. It's pretty much all over the place here, things don't follow too logically. But then I suppose that's not surprising given stanza one. Fair enough, I guess.
'Back of head met brick' is great, but it would have cracked me up if it had been 'back of head met Chewbacca'.

[7] ecargo 2-Jul-06/12:14 PM Reply

I think you contort the words to fit the rhymes a little too much, particularly the last line.